It’s no trick, knowing what you like

I’m going to guess the name of your favorite novel based solely on the few facts I know about you.

You’re correct: I’m impressive. And expressive. And recessive. And excessive. And excessive. And excessive. And excessive. And excessive. And excessive. And excessive. And

Editor’s note: OK, we get it. Ha ha. Move on.

Here are the facts I know about you:

Fact 1: You are a good-looking dude and/or/if dudess. There’s no denying that. And you smell nice, too.

Fact 2: Oops. I messed up. That part about you smelling nice should have been Fact 2. I jumped the guns of Navarone on that one.

Fact 3: You smell nice. But, wait. Was that, in fact, Fact 2? I’m torn. Good thing I keep myself in stitches. Anyway, I kind of think Fact 2 was that Fact 1 messed up Fact 2, which should have been about your pleasant odor, but wasn’t. Legally and ethically, it’s hard to argue that Fact 2 isn’t about the messing up. Beside which, the good whiff that you are was covered fully in Fact 1. So maybe Fact 3 is the problem.

Fact 4: We need to go back and logic out the order of the facts. Because I think

Editor’s note: Move on.

Fact 5: The fact that you’re reading this column means you likes them writing good and all such and was.

Fact 6: Ain’t no sunshine when you’re gone.

Fact 7: You’re a bright bloke and/or/if blokess — smart as a whip. That’s a silly saying. In what way is a whip smart? I’m sure it smarts, but that’s not the saying.

Fact 8: The silliness of that saying being said, I sure wouldn’t want to be in a formal debate with a whip. Imagine its retort.

Fact 9: I know Fact 8 wasn’t about you, but I wanted my opinion vis-a-vis formally debating a whip to be crystal clear.

Fact 10: I could really go for a Krystal right now.

Fact 11: Hey, not every fact has to be about you. I bet you sleep on a mirror.

Fact 12: Speaking of silly sayings, the silliest of all time is, “still water runs deep.” Really? Because I thought still water didn’t run, you know, at all.

Fact 13: The rest of the facts will be about you. Thank you for your impatience.

Fact 14: You da man and/or/if maness.

So, that’s what I know about you. Ready to be amazed?

Your favorite novel is “The Bridges of Madison County.”

That’s awe, folks!

This story was originally published May 14, 2016 at 9:00 PM with the headline "It’s no trick, knowing what you like."