THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: This headline doesn't have an

I've finished every book I've ever started. I just don't finish where the author does.

If I had to guess what percentage of books I've read all the way to the end, I'd guess turquoise.

But I'd be wrong. The answer is 11011 percent.

That's binary for 27 percent. One of my two new year's resolutions was to use binary numbers more often. You know, for the kids.

My second resolution was to have only two resolutions.

My third resolution was to break my second resolution.

My fourth resolution was to break my third resolution, returning me to a total of two resolutions.

I could do this all day -- what with the skills I gots and has.

But my fifth resolution was to stop all this resolution silliness and get on with my column.

Besides, I feel a chastising note coming from my editor. When they passed out senses of humor, she thought they said "trains" and said she'd catch the next one. I don't know what she was doing when they were passing out senses of hearing.

Anyway, time to get to the point:


Not a bad little point, eh? It's not entirely accurate, because true points are one dimensional. Like Clifford the Big Red Dog.

You know what, O Best Ones? I've gone awry. Too much wry, I guess.

This was supposed to be a column about why I finish books before I get to the end.

Instead, I've finished my column before the end.