COUPLING: Practice the deepest devotion in your coupling
We are headed toward Valentine's Day. It's time to get ahead of the curve and make your plans now: Order the flowers, make the dinner reservations, get on the babysitter's calendar.
On Valentine's Day, we'll talk about the powerful and important experience of puppy love. For today, let's consider the importance and impact of true devotion. Think about how devotion applies to your coupling, how you dedicate and focus your energies and interest on your partner.
It's not all rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along. We have to be willing to give, and we do that by being devoted to the other.
We love them more than our favorite team, or favorite country star or hobby. You're devoted to those things. They take up a lot of your thinking time and energy -- and they certainly aren't perfect. Our team loses, our music star gets arrested and sometimes our hobbies don't go our way.
A Bible verse tells us, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," (Matthew 6:21). We have to put our heart into our devotion. Treasure gets our attention, we place it somewhere special, keep it close and check on it often.
Think about this, the treasure already has its value. Our devotion to it is what purifies our heart. But it takes a while to get there.
Devotion probably begins with admiration and attention. Maybe you are a devotee of your faith. If so, then service and obedience become joyful opportunities. Maybe you are a devotee of jazz music, or even better, you are devoted to your saxophone, your guitar or even your Lincoln MIG welder.
And then devotion can bring us to that greatest of human traits: altruism. This is where we go beyond personal needs to serve and even sacrifice for others.
I saw this lovely couple for a while in my office. Both are successful professionals and active, community-minded people. By all external descriptors you would describe them as a strong couple. But their communication styles were contrary to the other. His strong silence left her feeling unloved. She made the mistake of stepping out of the marriage to find affection.
When he learned of her unfortunate affair, his heart sank. He wondered what he did wrong. Suffering came to visit. His question was, could he stay devoted and forgive her hurtful mistake?
This would take real dedication, real sacrifice, to go beyond self and attend to the most important thing: his love for her. To live out his devotion he had to give forgiveness, allow for hurt and love anyway. His selfishness in response to hers would drain them both. But his selflessness would build back the possibility of a new and deeper experience of coupling.
Bruce Conn is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and works with individuals and couples. Contact him at Bruce@BruceConn.com or call 478-742-1464.
This story was originally published January 30, 2016 at 8:13 PM with the headline "COUPLING: Practice the deepest devotion in your coupling ."