THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING? Paying me no mind

I'm pretty good at reading body language. When my boss tried to climb out of her office window, I figured she'd heard enough about the new Robert Harris novel.

So I strolled over to the copy desk, where I reign as the Richard Petty of tyrants. The Johnster was there, carrying the slack of his co-workers on his manly broad shoulders. I started telling him about the new Robert Harris novel.

"Dictator" is the third and final novel by Harris in a trilogy of pseudo biographies about Cicero, one of the great figures of ancient Rome. The first two are "Imperium" and "Conspirata."

At first, the Johnster was interested in hearing my thoughts on the new Robert Harris novel. But soon he was jabbering on about the HBO series "Rome."

That's the Johnster. Always off on a tangent. On weekends he pedals his bike up the interstate so he can go off on tangents at Tanger Outlet while eating tangerines.

Other than Colleen McCullough's Masters of Rome series, the three Harris novels are the best stuff I've ever read about ancient Rome. And I've read a lot on that subject.

"What's interesting," I told Mrs. Cool Kid that night, "is that in McCullough's books, Julius Caesar comes off as a combination of Batman, George Patton and Pepe Le Pew. But Harris portrays him as a bad-tempered boa out to get Cicero."

"Not that," she said.

"Huh?"

"Not that," she repeated.

"What are you talking about?"

"You asked me, 'What's interesting?' Not that stuff about Caesar and Cicero."

Which meant she was down from just half listening to me to a fifth listening to me.

Which meant that our marriage had reached perfection. I could now care just a fifth about what her friends and family were doing -- and that was right at my level.

What I should have done, O Best Ones, was tell you about the new Robert Harris book. Which I just did, in my own meandering way.

Ha! You get it?

Meander.

Remember the Johnster's tangents?

Meander. Tangent. Get it?

That was one clever joke, Cool Kid, the way it touches on language and mathematics both.

Thank you, Cool Kid.

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email rwaters@macon.com.

This story was originally published January 30, 2016 at 8:13 PM with the headline "THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING? Paying me no mind ."