THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: How a plate of spaghetti doomed all living things

No way, you say.

Way, I say.

I always have your needs in mind, O Best Ones. And since you need another Cool Kid tiny story, here it is.

SIMILE WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT

She twisted my words like spaghetti on a fork.

"So you think I don't have any imagination," she said.

"That's not what I said," I said. "I said, 'Why order spaghetti at an Italian restaurant?' You can make it at home."

She glared at me with eyes like lasers.

Our waiter ran left. He ran right. He looked up. He looked down. He ran left again.

I snatched the laser pointer out of her hand.

She harrumphed like an elephant.

I don't know whose bright idea it was to detour a circus parade through the restaurant. The prancing pachyderms brought us all scrambling to our feet -- stunned and terrified.

She took off like a rocket.

When I backed up against the table, the jostling tipped over a candle, which lit the bottle rocket in my back pocket.

It parted her hair like the Red Sea.

At that very moment, Moses came out of the restroom sipping on a soda.

He crashed into her, spilling his drink on her dress.

She acted like it was the end of the world.

A rumble grew in the distance.

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email rwaters@macon.com.

This story was originally published January 23, 2016 at 3:49 PM with the headline "THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: How a plate of spaghetti doomed all living things ."