THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: How I became a leatherhead

For pigskin fans who love pork rinds, and -- more sensibly -- vice versa, there's no better tome than "America's Game," a 600-page epic history of the NFL by Michael MacCambridge.

It scores a touchdown! It's the Super Bowl of books!

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email rwaters@macon.com.

Pssst. Don't leave yet. That wasn't my real column.

Ever since the Halloween incident, my editor has been on my case -- my lowercase, if you follow me. And if you do, don't. My kung fu training can kick in at any time.

She came to the office dressed as a zombie skeleton, and took the fury road when I told her I liked her Granny Clampett costume.

Now she's decreed that my Guide to Reading has to be about reading. She's so literal, except when I tell her to make like a tree. She takes that metaphorically. I often wonder why.

But OK, fine. I guided the livestock toward a book to be read, did I not? I even used the word tome.

So let's get to the real cheese in the baloney sammich -- my new winter lid.

You can see me wearing it in that photo taken by Woody Marshall -- whose real first name is Thomas and whose real last name is the way mountain air feels.

For decades, I've worn a stocking cap during the cold months. And since early 2011 I've worn a stocking cap with an Auburn logo on it.

That was the year a bunch of teenagers I didn't know scored more points than another bunch of teenagers I didn't know in a game I wasn't at.

My self-esteem shot through the roof, and I said to myself, "Cool Kid, you gots to gots to gots to get some merchandised headgear to proclaim the victory you didn't personally achieve."

But I no longer wear it because last month I was in Burlington picking out a new winter coat and saw a replica football helmet -- the kind they wore years ago when men were men and TVs were radios.

My knees got weak. Mrs. Cool Kid had to catch me.

And minutes later, The Cool Kid had a kettle cooler than salt and batteries.

It warms my head, and the way it makes my co-workers scoff in admiration warms my heart.

Ergo ridiculam te interroget post hoc: We're all here just to goof off and poke fun. So I want to make it clear that all that stuff I said about my editor is true only in a factual sense.

This story was originally published December 5, 2015 at 4:25 PM with the headline "THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: How I became a leatherhead ."