THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: Language that settles well on the tummy

My two favorite poems are the Taco Bell drive-thru menu and Emily Dickinson's "There's a Certain Slant of Light."

I know the second by heart and the first by belly.

I frequently frequent The Gong -- as a customer customarily. But if I happen to drive by and see no cars in line, I'll peel in, quickly read the menu and skedaddle -- enriched by literature once again.

Recently, I had a language adventure at The Ding-Dong's drive-thru.

After I ordered two breakfast tacos, the man who lives inside the shiny box at The Chime asked, "What's your protein?"

I respected that.

I, too, like to avoid clarity when I speak.

If I'm walking and someone is in my way, I'll say, "You're wearing my hat." If someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll say, "Feeling crowded. There's really not room for two of us up in my bidness."

I have a great fear of being liked, so I do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen.

Back to the adventure at The Carillon.

My protein? I took that as a challenge, and I was prepared to go all argot on this fella.

"Threonine ammonia-lyase," I said.

"Could you repeat that?" the man who lives inside the shiny box asked.

"Mooshed pig," I said.

"Could you repeat that?"

"A hoggy puck," I said.

"Could you repeat that?"

"Proteus," I said.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Nobody's going to get that one.)

(COOL KID'S NOTE: Your fly's open.)

"Could you repeat that?"

At this point I felt like I was harassing the man who lives inside the shiny box. It couldn't be easy living there inside the shiny box. It was a tiny shiny box and I knew from my many visits to The Tintinnabulum that at least four others lived inside the shiny box with him.

"Sausage," I said.

"Thank you. Drive to the window, please."

And I tried to, but a family of 40 in a logging truck was wearing my hat.

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email rwaters@macon.com.

This story was originally published November 28, 2015 at 4:35 PM with the headline "THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: Language that settles well on the tummy ."