THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: Payback is a stairway to heaven

The worst book I ever bought was "How to Climb Stairs in Three Easy Steps."

I bought it because I was moving.

But the apartment I was moving into had 14 steps leading up to it. So I was stuck near the bottom and had to live with the chipmunks until my lease ran out.

Useless book. Waste of bank.

I share that story for two reasons.

1. To meet my daily quota of self-amusement.

2. To coin this phrase: Don't believe everything you read.

Wow. That sure caught on fast. Folks all over are using it already.

They even refitted the Large Hadron Collider for time travel so my fans could return to the past and say it before I was born.

Nice.

I make the claim for coining that phrase for two reasons.

1. It's self-amusing.

2. I want Mrs. Cool Kid to admire me and she's a bit of a rube. She fell for that Facebook meme about how for the first time in 666 years, Halloween was going to fall on Friday the 13th.

She fell for it three years in a row.

Don't believe everything you read, sweetie.

I know! I know! Everyone is saying it! Isn't that so cool? Aw, shucks. I'm glad you feel that way. Hey, did you hear about this new thing they got? It's called furniture polish.

(I want to thank Mark Ballard for loaning me some of his exclamation points for use in the preceding paragraph.)

I wrote this column for two reasons:

1. I was not amused when Mrs. Cool Kid made fun of my reading choices in the column she wrote last week.

2. To coin this phrase: Better to cross a busy intersection than to cross The Cool Kid.

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email rwaters@macon.com.

This story was originally published November 14, 2015 at 2:53 PM with the headline "THE COOL KID'S GUIDE TO READING: Payback is a stairway to heaven ."