Please be with me, not ahead or behind me

Driving on the other side of town back in August, I saw something both familiar and unfamiliar. It was a young couple with the look of love. They didn’t look like us, my wife and me, that is. But they certainly were into each other.

What caught my eye was the timing. The dog days of summer were upon us and they were walking in the sun. Wondering to myself, don’t these silly people know it’s hot? But they did not care. They weren’t trying to get anywhere. The world could not distract them. They were right where they wanted to be. No hurry, no rush to get out of the heat. They were with each other.

And then I saw it again. Previously called the Sears Tower, we were in the Willis Tower in Chicago. At 1,353 feet up in the air, the Ledge is a glass box sticking out of the building proper. If you are brave enough you can step out onto a glass “ledge” 103 floors above Wacker Street.

They were wearing different clothes than us; I don’t know what language they were speaking. But the look in their eyes was familiar. He shuddered as if it was unsteady, she gasped in fear and exhilaration. She grabbed at him as he pulled her closer. They looked joyfully in each other’s eyes, together, with each other, right where they wanted to be.

Allow me to confess that although I have a high opinion of marriage and hope to present the possibilities of committed Coupling, I sometimes fail. I can be selfish and self-centered. I’m sometimes irritable or forgetful. I’m a terrible gift giver. And on a delightful trip to Chicago, I kept walking off without my wife.

We were with another couple and his attentiveness and care made my walking away all the more obvious. Walking through the streets, I was going instead of being. As we toured around town, I was getting us there, instead of sticking with my partner.

I saw a cross stitched pillow that captured the idea. “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.”

It is easy to get caught up in doing and forget about being. Coupling is about being with. Isn’t being with the goal? Isn’t that the answer to almost anything? And yet it is so easy to disconnect, to start doing and leave the completeness of being with each other.

Scott Boyer of the Capricorn band Cowboy wrote a song titled “Please Be With Me.” He sings, “Read my signs, be a gypsy. Tell me what I hope to find deep within me. Because you can find my mind, please be with me.”

We do strangely complete each other in the connection of our coupling. We may do a lot, but it’s all about the being with. I just need my wife to hold my hand so I don’t wander off like a toddler!

This story was originally published September 26, 2017 at 4:05 PM with the headline "Please be with me, not ahead or behind me."