A fool for love lets the barriers down

Can you weather a crisis? It’s hard to stay focused in the face of a threatening storm. Fear grips us and grows, we get defensive and begin to snap and snarl. Real strength and maturity tries to focus on love, not fear.

Communicating honestly in times of trouble requires a foundation that we may not have. It can be easier to blame, see the faults in the other, but if we know ourselves and have a grounded position of humility and faith, we might be able to hold onto the rock of love and not react with the fight or flight of fear.

Self awareness, courage, self esteem or just acting like a grown up, call it what you will, the challenge of maintaining your integrity, holding yourself together in the face of discord can be difficult.

Let me tell you about Joe and Mary. Second marriages for both, they’ve been married to each other now for 10 years and things have gotten tough. He’s an engineer, and very sure of himself. He has quick, sure answers and knows what to do. Just ask him. She’s an artist, even teaches and encourages her students to present their art. As sure as Joe is of what he thinks, Mary is sure of her feelings. He has lots of opinions; her feelings are all over the place. You might say they are from different planets.

And then life happens, already strained by style differences, other problems come between them. They’re sandwiched between children and parents. There is a hint of addiction in the mix. Phase of life changes may be morphing into depression. It just begins to feel easier to keep a distance. Communication was strained at best. Now it just hurts to try.

What can heal our wounded separated souls? So easily we feel misunderstood, maybe even attacked. She’s talking in her feeling language. He wants her to get to the point, just say what she needs. He’s telling her what he thinks, but she only hears platitudes, simplistic authoritative directives.

Love is the cure, but this is hard, maybe even painful. A child thinks love feels good (and it can). But an adult knows true caring costs. The miracle of love enables us to transcend the self. Helps us move beyond our limited view. We can get past our selfish position and perspective.

Leave your defenses behind. Who wants to do this? What fool would lower his walls to an enemy that can inflict so much pain and frustration? A fool in love does.

With the walls down we can experience emotional connection. With the walls down, we embrace physical affection. With the walls down, we find a spiritual affirmation and partnership we didn’t know was possible.

Are you ready? Can you tolerate a truly meaningful experience of Coupling? As you go down that path together, you may feel weak as you put faith in your partner. To get to a deeper level, you may truly know and find hope in the vulnerability of your walls down intimacy. More vulnerability is the doorway to more understanding; a more satisfying experience of love.

Weak, walls down and vulnerable, what can I say? I’m a fool for love.

This story was originally published August 3, 2017 at 4:01 PM with the headline "A fool for love lets the barriers down."