‘I do’ means something

Want to get into shape? You have to put on your Nikes and move. Want some money? You’ll have to put in the hours. Want to be a cook? Get in the kitchen.

Anything worthwhile takes some effort. Sharing a life with another person requires effort, too. Marital bliss is only blissful if you put in the work.

It’s June and many couples are meeting each other at the altar. When you stood there and said ‘I do,’ did you know what you were saying?

In writing about coupling, my aim is to support you in your relationship building, enhance your happiness, and encourage your hope as you grow together. But this premise rests on commitment.

If you are not committed, then it’s just a passing fancy, a fling. And that’s okay; romance is exciting and has its place. But if the feeling doesn’t last, you have some doubts and start to move on, then fine. You didn’t commit, no harm done. But if you get that unexplainable, beyond words feeling, if you know in your heart you can’t live without that other person, then you want to commit. Remember that feeling?

The bible offers a word that is not even explained, it is just implied or an expected understanding. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (KJV)

What does that mean? I suggest you don’t fuss with it. Leave your parents and commit to the other. That’s it. United and focusing toward each other yields a stronger and unified pairing. To become one flesh, you have to cleave. I’ll leave it up to you and him/her to figure out the cleaving part!

Saying ‘I do’ or ‘I will’ is meaningful. It must be practiced and enacted over and over again. Let’s think about what gets in the way. What are the excuses, distractions and unconscious patterns that drain your commitment?

Selfishness may be first on the list. Defenses and rationalizations hallmark selfishness as we explain why we are doing what we want to do. As long as you are on the same page together, then it’s okay. But you have to be careful when one is exerting their will over the desires of the other.

Habits and ingrained patterns can sneak in and rob our commitment. We all have ways of doing things that seem right to us. “I like it that way,” we might say. I touched on this in my last column with the consideration of how we value things differently. Commitment allows for sacrifice that gets us through these hidden detractors.

Life is enjoyable with a partner because you are able to grow with one another, becoming one. In your coupling, praise your spouse, learn together and love harmoniously.

This story was originally published June 2, 2017 at 6:46 AM with the headline "‘I do’ means something."