Treat your partner like royalty

We have a fascination with royalty. This seems to be a common phenomenon crossing cultures and political systems. Our house has been watching the Netflix series, “The Crown.” The title of the show indicates the crown that young Queen Elizabeth II donned at the tender age of 26 and still wears today as the reigning British monarch.

The wonder of Prince Charles’s former wife, Princess Diana, tapped into this fascination in a powerful way and many were moved by her tragic and untimely death. Even today the lives of her sons are splashed on weekly tabloid covers.

What is this attraction to the personal lives of kings and queens, princesses and princes?

We’ve all heard the phrasing of the idea, “a man is the king of his own castle.” Meaning, in his or her own home, he or she is ruler and regent. We might draw the parallel that our interest in royalty is the hope of our own nobility. We innately have a sense of freedom and self-agency, qualities that royalty live out with panache and ease.

As we watch, admire and copy their lives, certainly we find our own connection with how we imagine their lives.

What can we learn with our interest and emulation of the royals?

First, I would suggest that the king and queen live with dignity and respect. We love how they dress, how they carry themselves. Decorum is to be followed at all times and we never imagine them in sloppy clothes or with messy hair.

In our coupling, we want to be treated with dignity and respect. Maybe we can fake it and hold ourselves to a higher standard. By imagining our own royalty, we can give away our internalized sense of dignity and respect.

Secondly, royals always seem to be emotionally controlled. They are quiet and deliberate when they speak. We don’t picture them screaming. Instead, we imagine them communicating through steely, disapproving stares or maybe cordial smiles.

And we imagine them to be pleasant. We see them standing or sitting with wonderful posture as they wave and nod politely. Julie Andrews, of “Sound of Music” fame, always plays such a good queen. She seems to do these things effortlessly. I hope I’m like that.

Does your partner experience you as emotionally stable? Are you overbearing and controlling or reliably steady? We can all strive to be more emotionally balanced.

A third trait of royalty is exhibited in their service — being leaders they also are servants of all. Protectors of the weak and opposing evil, kings and queens practice justice, hopefully.

We strive for that same fairness, or justice, in our relationships. Coupling requires a little less self and a little more service. If both partners feel they are doing a little more than the other, then you’ve probably found a sweet spot for service.

And it only takes a little. If we are constantly taking small steps toward dignity, respect and service, we will soon find ourselves feeling pretty regal. Remember, ‘tis the season of the “newborn King.”

This story was originally published December 2, 2016 at 12:32 PM with the headline "Treat your partner like royalty."