RICHARDSON: Keys to fatherhood

Father’s Day is a mixture of -- in the words of Frankie Beverly and Maze, “Joy and pain. Sunshine and rain.” Being a father is an awesome God-given responsibility, but no matter how painful it can be at times, the joy is beyond my vocabulary.

To look at another person and know that he or she would not be here if not for you is priceless. Fathers and mothers look at their children and see their legacies, their gifts to the world. They see years of hard work completed and bask in the joys and pains of that work.

I can’t speak for all fathers, but I do believe all want to be good ones. Some, however, are just not up to the task because being a father means sacrifice. It means making sure your children have what they need before you get what you want. Some men can’t handle that. They want what they want when they want it. They allow their own selfishness to dismiss their own importance in their children’s lives. They heap the burden of being a father onto the shoulders of the mother. She’s not made for that.

Children learn by modeling. Certainly they hear what you tell them, but they are constantly watching. Is it any wonder they end up talking like you? If you use bad English, they’ll use bad English. If you dress like a thug, they’ll dress like a thug and think it OK. Mothers, if you leave the house with curlers in your hair, expect your daughter to do the same. And if you dress like a hoochie mama and have a revolving front door for every Tom, Dick and Harry, don’t be surprised by what your daughter brings home.

Back to fathers. This is our day, after all. You don’t have to be a biological father to be a father, and not every biological sperm-donor earns the title of father. If my life is any example, I’ve been influenced by thousands of men who were no blood relation to me. Some were like my swimming coach Stan Rasmussen. He didn’t know beans about swimming, but he was there. He gave of his time. He kept us in line, and we figured out the rest.

There was Charles “Bud” Behrens,” the band director. He taught me how to listen and appreciate all kinds of music. I learned how to cuss in German. No, I really can’t say I learned to cuss in German. I learned to understand cussing in German. He demanded excellence -- and he pulled it from us.

So what do you have to do to be a good father if it’s not just a biological function? First, just be there, and I don’t mean just physically, although for some that’s a pretty good start. Be into your children mentally. Figure them out and help them figure themselves out.

Be a good role model. Always know they are going to copy whatever you do, be it good or bad. When you tell them you’re going to do something -- do it. Children have good memories. Don’t disappoint them. If the situation changes, tell them why and reschedule. They will learn from you how to keep their word, because you have always kept your word.

It takes more time, but involve your kids in your projects. If you’ve got to change the oil, let them help. Need to change a tire, show them how. Notice, I didn’t single out these activities for sons. Girls need to know how to change a tire, too, and boys need to know how to cook and clean.

Spend time with your children. That’s part of being there. Think of experiences that will enrich their educational development, places to go, museums to see. They won’t know what you were up to until they have children of their own.

Fathers, make your children know that you think the world of them. In other words, love them to pieces. Tell them, over and over, that they can achieve anything. Let them see how interested you are in their lives -- every day. They should know you expect the best from them and understand there are consequences when they disappoint.

Teach them how to respect your authority, and they will respect the authority of others. Love on your children’s mother (not plural) and show them how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Your daughters will grow up expecting the same kind of treatment, and your sons will copy you, too.

The best part of aging is seeing the success of your offspring and knowing they understand your sacrifice and the deep down satisfaction of knowing you did a good job.

Charles E. Richardson is The Telegraph’s editorial page editor. He can be reached at 478-744-4342 or via email at crichardson@macon.com. Tweet @crichard1020.

This story was originally published June 21, 2015 at 12:00 AM with the headline "RICHARDSON: Keys to fatherhood ."