HARMON: Male candidates find 'common ground'
There seems to be so much divisiveness in our country these days. We see very little commonality among men as we look forward to new leadership in the country, be it Democrat or Republican. The discourse, even among those debating within their own party, can be fraught with accusation, disrespect and hatefulness not seen in well — when was the last election?
Sorry, I just can't take it all that seriously because I realize that all men have one thing in common and that is ... the dreaded digital exam. This could be the one thing that unites them all in the end, excuse the pun.
That dreaded moment when they hear, "The doctor will see you now" when they should be hearing, "The doctor will feel you now." That time when a person with the title of "doctor" slips on a plastic glove, says something like, "Well, you know what comes next" and invades the most private area of all men's bodies with a digit (I have no idea which one they use but it feels like more than one) and then mumbles something incoherent as he slips off the glove and, like a magic trick, it disappears somewhere.
Of all the things they learn in medical school, that would have to be high on the list. There must be a "how to" section in the text dedicated to "How to dispose of the glove." Maybe they use a video or PowerPoint presentation, those being popular these days. At any rate, the glove does magically disappear. But I digress.
First of all, when someone invades this area and we're talking "Body Snatcher" here, or something equivalent, I appreciate a comment. I want and need to hear something and it doesn't have to be exclamatory, just a simple "You feel fine to me" will do. If I hear nothing I feel obligated, no, led or perhaps, driven to ask, "How does it feel Doc?" But this just doesn't feel like the right thing to say at the time. After all, I don't know how "It" is supposed to feel and so what good is asking that question in the first place?
The important thing is how it feels to me and every year it feels the same; violating, no, irritating, or perhaps, aggravating would aptly describe my feeling. Secondly, one doesn't really know what it is the doctor is looking for, but for some reason you hope it remains lost. Finding something up there just doesn't seem like a good idea. Most men can remember when they had their first experience with the dreaded digit and mine came at the age of 32. Prior to that, I had only imagined the process and wondered exactly how it came about — and of course how long the digit remained fixated. Actually it doesn't, but you get the picture.
I vaguely remember the doctor, an older man, thank goodness, mentioning something about a walnut and then I must have blacked out. I'm just kidding here because unfortunately, I remained very alert during the whole process. You could be 48 hours with no sleep and wide awake in seconds when the plastic hits the fan, so to speak.
Since that initial experience, I can proudly say I have had only one other physician perform this valuable service. Unfortunately he is nearing retirement. Having a younger one insert the dreaded digit is not something I want to think about. When it happens, I suppose, I'll just "grin and bear it," as they say, no, grit the teeth and grimace would be a better description. Actually, the time spent worrying about the process is infinitely longer than the time the digit actually spends searching for whatever it might find and usually begins right after the exam ends and you know, in a year or so, you'll be back for more "fun with Mr. Doctor and Mr. Walnut."
So you see, since male Democrats and Republicans all have walnuts, they have what is referred to as, "common ground" from which to find those elusive answers to our political questions. Now if they can just keep from poking their digits in each other's eyes, they should be able to get along.
Sonny Harmon is a professor emeritus at Georgia Military College. Visit his blog at http://sharmon09.blogspot.com.
This story was originally published February 16, 2016 at 9:58 PM with the headline "HARMON: Male candidates find 'common ground' ."