HARMON: Election likeability standard?

I don't usually write political stuff, preferring instead to write about things that make some sense, but this is an election year and so I feel obligated, no, moved, well, impassioned maybe, but no that isn't it either. I supposed disgusted would be the best word to describe my feelings this election year.

After watching, nodding off and finally getting some good sleep through the last half of the Democratic debate the other night, I've decided we should just stop listening to all their backbiting and vote for the candidate who is the most likable; that is if one shows up. After all, wasn't that a category we used in high school to measure one's overall ability to get votes? Or was it congenial? No mind.

Trying to make sense of all the issues is very trying, especially when the ones paid to understand them don't try very hard to solve them. So if we're stuck with these politicians it would behoove us to at least elect one we can like. You can go back 100 years or more and find campaigns where we were dealing with the same problems we face today. Health care, class warfare, banking issues, crime, defense, educational woes, infrastructure improvement, and of course, that age-old problem of infidelity has been around since Andrew Jackson in one form or another. They don't appear to be going anywhere, so why not elect a nice, likable, well-groomed (think Richard Nixon's opposite) person?

Electing people based on smarts and their ability to rip to shreds an opponent has not worked out and since doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results is a sign of insanity, we don't need smart and mean anymore, we need entertainment and likability. Of course the infidelity issue could fall under entertainment, so I suppose in today's climate, could be used to bolster a candidate's credentials. We haven't had a good White House scandal since, well, you remember.

Here then are some things I'm looking for in a candidate. Nice teeth. Think about it, considering the many times we're going to have to look at the future president's mouth, State of the Union (close-up) press conferences, Christmas tree lightings, the save the Thanksgiving turkey event, Oprah, late night television, coming and going up the Air Force One ramp on vacations and on and on, would it not make sense to elect one who had a really nice set of ivories. A set of ivories that come with a big ol' grin that exudes friendliness.

And writing of that big ol' grin ... why yes, why not? I want my president to grin -- and grin a lot. It makes me feel like he/she is happy and if he/she is happy I should be happy, too.

I also want a president with hair and lots of it. Visualize a president with a man bun. I want a likable man with at least the potential for a man bun in my White House who can deal with that man's man, Vladi from Russia. A little chest hair wouldn't hurt either. Or maybe a woman president with hair as long as Crystal Gayle's who would be equally at home on a Victoria's Secret runway or the Oval Office. One who could get the attention of world leaders and lead in a new, innovative way and might in fact be paid by the networks to hold a press conference.

Why can't we elect someone on likability and looks? We've never tried it before. Well, maybe Ronald Reagan, but he was old. He did have hair though. I also want a president who has a talent of some sort besides misleading the public. I'd like to see a former pro football player or professional ice skater elected. Jack Kemp came close but he played for Buffalo. We need a Superbowl winner with a man bun, chest hair and good teeth. Or maybe Peggy Fleming, after all, she's got long hair and used to ice skate. I picture debates where the real concerns of Americans are voiced by likable, talented, beautiful people. People who are concerned about who's going to win the Oscar? Who should appear on the cover of People? Who's Sean Penn interviewing this week? Stuff like that.

Let's face it. We've lost the drug war, the Middle East, the space station, but it looks like Miranda was running around on Blake. We need a leader who can focus on what's important so we can enjoy what isn't. What do we have to lose except our sanity?

Sonny Harmon is a professor emeritus at Georgia Military College. Visit his blog at http://sharmon09.blogspot.com

This story was originally published January 19, 2016 at 8:13 PM with the headline "HARMON: Election likeability standard? ."