DR. CUMMINGS: The question of nagging wives
I have found over 46 biblical quotes like these:
1. Old Testament Proverbs: (the original Opinion page)
A nagging wife is like water continually dripping on a rainy day.
It's better to live in a corner of the house-top than in the house with a nagging wife.
It's better to live in a desert land than with a nagging wife.
2. New Testament Advice. (In Ephesians, chapter 5)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.
What kind of a picture is this? You've heard the joke: "barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen." Obviously, it was no joke in biblical times. A woman had to be "without shoes" or completely dependent on her husband and submitting at all times — either in the bedroom making babies or in the kitchen making dinner — without complaint or nagging.
The epistle to the Ephesians, written, I believe, by a follower of Paul's, tries to make a wife's "obedience" more palatable by saying that her husband must love her like Jesus loved the Church. OK, but what if he doesn't? The epistle never deals with that issue.
Why is scripture so silent about the bully husband? Where can we find verses that talk about him? We can't. Forty-six verses about the nagging wife and not one about the bully husband. We read several times about the jealous husband, "whose wrath shows no mercy" (Proverbs 6:34) and then a long justification for his wrath with this reason: his wife has been unfaithful (Numbers 5:14). But we never see the guilty husband. When it comes to marriage, it's the wife who's guilty of nagging; what's the husband guilty of? Nothing?
Now "men" are roundly chastised in scripture, no doubt about it. In fact, all 50 of the Parables of Jesus are directed toward men; not one proscribes what women are to do. And it's the same in the Old Testament: the 10 Commandments are given to men. It doesn't talk to wives and say: "Do not covet your neighbor's husband."
But when the discussion is about a husband-wife problem, it is the wife who gets the brunt of the blame. It's the wife who has ceased to be subservient and has begun to nag, and it's her nagging that must be punished.
Why is this? Well, we (men) can always say "because the Bible says so!" We can resort to the belief that the Bible is the inspired word of God and therefore wives are the problem because that's what it says. However, we all know that God used men to write the scriptures — not women. In fact, not one of the 66 books of the Bible was written by a woman. Not one.
Have you ever thought what some of these books might have said had a feminine touch been felt? Just imagine that famous book of Proverbs. Instead of: "The proverbs of Solomon, son of David," it could read: "The proverbs of Miriam, sister of Moses." And the first lines would be:
A lazy husband is like a well-fed dog, sleeping happily in a filthy home.
It's better to fight back than to submit to a stupid husband.
It's better to get a divorce than to live with a husband who beats you.
We don't find verses like these — not because our biblical God would object to them — but because men would not allow women to read or write, and if by chance, one of them did learn — her writings would never have been called scripture by the men who determined "the canon" in the year 419 at the Council of Carthage.
Nagging still exists but it is not the exclusive sin of the wife any more. Women have been liberated from the submissive role outlined in Ephesians and are free to enter into a marriage of partners. Christianity has evolved and so has Judaism.
And finally: it is my opinion (and this is the Opinion page) that Holy Scripture — like every piece of literature — must be understood according to the time in which it was written.
Dr. Bill Cummings is the CEO of Cummings Consolidated Corporation and Cummings Management Consultants. His blog is www.progressiveheretic.com.
This story was originally published January 9, 2016 at 9:10 PM with the headline "DR. CUMMINGS: The question of nagging wives ."