This week I was a little too busy to write my column, so I lined up a special guest to pinch hit for me. I called the White House and asked President Trump to dictate a special message to the readers of The Telegraph, and he was kind enough to accept. Or maybe this column just sprang from my fevered imagination after reading way too many Trump tweets in the last 2 years. You be the judge!
Greetings to you fine folks in Middle Georgia! I met a lot of you when I visited Macon last year campaigning for your new Governor, Brian Kemp. You made the right call electing my hand-picked candidate over Liberal Stacy Abrams. She would have raised your taxes and given your hard-earned money to the Illegal Immigrants who supported her. Looking forward to working with Brian on many important issues such as Illegal Immigration and Voter Fraud.
I’m sure I can count on your support again in 2020 against whatever loser the Dems end up running against me. Doesn’t matter — I’ll beat whoever they pick. Just like I beat Crooked Hillary! This time I’ll win the popular vote too, provided we can clear up the Voter Fraud that wrongly suggested that horrible woman got more votes than me. Total Sham!!
By the way, I’m sure it’s a relief for you to get a break from the nonsense you usually have to suffer through from the Low Intelligence person who usually writes this column. I was told this Bill Ferguson guy has been critical of me since I started my campaign and he’s had nothing good thing to say about me since I was elected.
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Pay him no mind! He’s just another liberal loser who can’t give me credit for all the great things I’ve accomplished in the last 2 years. Another so-called Journalist in the MSM suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome. I know a lot of you have been sending him emails and writing letters to The Telegraph to make that very point. Keep it up!
Some of you may have been a little discouraged by the Dems gains in the House in the mid-terms. Don’t be! Nancy Pelosi and her gang of Radical Liberal supporters are going to make fools of themselves in the next 2 years fighting me on Border Security and continuing the Witch Hunt started with the tainted Mueller investigation. America will see right through you, Nancy! Giving them a little power will be the best thing that ever happened to me!
Not only will I win in 2020 in a landslide, Republicans will also get control of the House and increase their majority in the Senate. And I expect to replace more of the Liberal Justices on SCOTUS as well before I am done. By the time my second term ends in 2024 we will be the Greatest Country in history, no question!
But what happens after I finish my second term? Don’t worry! There is a reason I have my kids and my son-in-law working for me, and it’s not just because they are smart and good-looking. You can be sure one of them will be ready to run in 2024, and they will win! You heard it here first — the Trumps are a new dynasty. Just like the Kennedys and the Bushes, only way better because we are tougher and smarter than them!
So stay strong Georgia! Together we will keep making America Great and keep the liberal Dems and so-called “Republicans” like Mitt Romney and Jeff Flake where they belong — in the loser column!
Wow, this was exhausting! Why do these columns need to be so long? I could have sent 5 or 6 great Tweets in the time it took to fill up this space. What a waste of time! Liberals take forever to make a point. Just one of their many, many faults. Sad!!
Bill Ferguson is a resident of Warner Robins. Readers can write him at firstname.lastname@example.org.