Opinion Columns & Blogs

Little Anthony and the Scaramoochers

I was just listening to that old Queen song, “Another One Bites The Dust,” when lo and behold, Little Anthony and the Scaramoochers did just that! I had intended to tell you about a dear friend who passed away recently but along came Little Anthony’s anthology of useful vocabulary to inspire and influence. Sometimes these things just get dropped in your lap and you can’t resist.

Still there might be a lesson here for all of us and that would be that anyone can be replaced and quickly with the exception of a good mother. Lyndon Johnson was sworn in an hour and a half after President Kennedy’s assassination which tells you all you need to know.

According to my White House sources, of which all shall remain anonymous because I have none, Little Anthony was asked to leave because of his use of colorful language one can hear 500 times a day at the mall food court, if one has ears. Maybe colorful is the wrong word, let’s try disgusting, but maybe it goes down better with hot wings or Chinese.

Of course this doesn’t make it right, and in fact, had he used it in my mother’s house, he would have left with about half a broomstick protruding from his fashionable trousers. That would have come after she ruffled his pomade and stuck a 95-year-old finger in his tanning bed face to help him understand there are still a few of us who believe in proper decorum.

Average replacement time nowadays is months — what with all the documentation required (think entitlement) — even to replace the most inept “worker,” but once in a while you will see a supervisor with enough cojones to give an individual an opportunity to explore other ways in which to make their lives more meaningful. It’s a delicate dance done out of necessity, but nevertheless painful for about the length of time it takes for the wayward soul to shut the door on their way out. It sounds as though Gen. John Kelly invited him to do just that.

We are not entitled to a job for which we may not be qualified nor perform well, a fact lost in academia (there’s an interesting thought) because if it were taught in academia, the curriculum and endowment would no doubt suffer when students realized you don’t eat when you don’t earn and you don’t earn when you don’t learn how to produce something of value.

Little Anthony came in like a bulldog and went out like that other Anthony, the wiener dog. Just a reminder that politicians are sometimes like doormats. They can and should be replaced when they can’t keep the house clean. I don’t have a dog in this fight because I voted for my neighbor’s female Chihuahua because she’s a female and I wanted to see that glass ceiling come down.

In addition, it appears Little Anthony could use some lessons on how to keep his verbal diatribes in his own house. I would suggest an evening spent with Bill and Hillary where verbal lessons in the diatribe would be sure to abound. If he managed to record the lesson he’d never work another day in his life.

As for what else he might consider, a trip to Venezuela would be right up his alley. The place is in need of strong dictatorial leadership, a take charge guy who can communicate with the common man. I’ve heard it’s in such turmoil down there the toilets are spinning backward. Maybe marriage counseling is in his future. He appears to have wonderful communication skills, albeit he probably needs to avoid late night interviews.

One has to wonder if the drink was involved in this nasty business. But I’ll not be the one spreading rumors. Suffice to say, he will most certainly land on his feet, just not near the Peoples’ House.

Sonny Harmon is a professor emeritus at Georgia Military College. Visit his blog at http://sharmon09.blogspot.com.