Learning to bend
I carefully watched as the large tree limbs gently swayed back and forth as if they were dancing with the wind. As the force of the wind increased, the limbs bent even more to accommodate yet always came back to their original position. It was amazing to watch their resilient dance with nature.
Most of the trees in our neighborhood have been alive much longer than me. Their limbs reach high into the sky as if trying to touch the clouds. They are a testament to strength and survival. Their mere presence after all these years proves it.
Today marks a personal celebration in my life. It was on this day 34 years ago that Debra and I were married. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, other times a lifetime ago. Time is funny that way.
How appropriate that, on this day as I sat outside, the newly budded trees blowing in the breeze offered me a perfect example of what makes a marriage last. Whether it's a gentle wind or a raging storm, when the trees are confronted, they brace themselves and stand their ground, while their limbs become less rigid and bend. They do break sometimes, but most of the time they go with the flow and adapt to whatever comes their way.
Have you ever noticed trees near the ocean? Over time they become twisted and contorted in their appearance as they learn to work with the harsh winds. I especially like these trees because their shapes are uniquely beautiful as they proudly show us how they withstood the test of time.
Marriages are the same way. When two people unite, they each bring their own personality, likes, dislikes and opinions. How a couple merges these elements is what makes a marriage strong and lasting. We have to learn how to bend and adapt instead of breaking.
My beautiful wife has always been an indestructible tree in my life. She has loved me, encouraged me and offered me some of her strength when I couldn't find my own. She is one of the most resilient individuals I have ever met. Perhaps it's because she had no other choice growing up in a very dysfunctional family. She had to be strong even as a child. It is sad when children have to become adults long before it's time.
Debra is not only strong mentally but also strong physically. She has endured much more than her share of trials and tribulations in her life. Her tolerance of pain is incredible! Over the last couple of years, she has suffered a lot of physical pain but she rarely complains, becomes bitter or feels sorry for herself. Her pain may slow her down but certainly doesn't stop her!
When I asked her recently how she deals with all the physical changes and challenges, she replied, "I just have had to accept that this is my new normal." I loved her even more that day. I would probably have thrown in the towel and given up, but Debra sets a wonderful example for not only me but for all those around her.
Over the years, when small disagreements have presented themselves in our marriage, Debra has shown me how to bend instead of breaking. Having a successful marriage is not about who's right. It's about two people learning to gracefully bend when confronted with life's storms. This is not easy, but it is vital to make a marriage strong.
Do you think a huge oak tree gives in to a little wind or rain? Of course, it doesn't. It continues to grow. It's in it for the long haul. I think this is why trees live hundreds of years and remain proudly silhouetted against the sky. They refuse to give in!
Our son, Blake, recently became engaged to Diane, a beautiful, wonderful young woman. I hope our marriage has been a shining example to Blake over the years. If I could offer one piece of advice to them about marriage, it is to be steadfast and strong when confronted with the storms life sends their way while learning to bend together.
I smiled as I looked up and continued to watch the limbs dance with the wind. As I think back on our 34-year union, memories pop to the surface like bubbles in water. Most of the memories are wonderful ones but some tragedies also come to mind. I feel that our relationship is an example of dealing with anything that comes our way. Our marriage has been an incredible dance -- one that I'm thrilled we've experienced.
MORE WITH MARK
Mark Ballard will showcase his culinary expertise, wit and decorating styles with Georgia's sweet onions during the Vidalia Onion Culinary Extravaganza at 6 p.m. Tuesday at Southeastern Technical College, U.S. 280, Vidalia. There will be door prizes, goody bags for the first 125 participants and tastings. For more information and tickets, call 912-293-2407 or 912-293-3630.
Mark Ballard's column runs each week in The Telegraph. Send your questions or comments to P.O. Box 4232, Macon, GA 31208; call 478-757-6877; email markballard@cox.net; follow him at instagram.com/markcreates; or become a subscriber to Mark's Facebook page.
This story was originally published April 16, 2016 at 7:35 PM with the headline "Learning to bend ."