BALLARD: Who stole my keys? And other Christmas mishaps
'They just vanished into thin air," I mumbled to myself frantically as my eyes darted around the entire area surrounding my Jeep. "I just had them," I said in an anxious voice mixed with anger.
It never matters what or when I lose something, I always talk to myself -- out loud. We all know that talking out loud when no one is around is excused when we are on a search and rescue mission.
I moved everything in sight looking for my keys. I was in the midst of loading my vehicle for the fourth or fifth time -- hauling away regular accessories to be replaced with Christmas decorations. Back and forth I went, carrying boxes while nursing a lower back ache.
Losing my keys was certainly not on the agenda for the afternoon! Why was this happening?
Christmas decorating provides the perfect storm to lose anything in a glittery sea of red and green. Tissue paper wadded up, boxes stacked waist high, table tops completely covered with everything from a variety of Santas to Nativity scenes are just waiting to hide anything that you may need.
When I'm decorating for Christmas, a toolbox is never far from sight. Some sort of construction is always involved in my pursuit of holiday adornment.
The other day, I carried two nails and a hammer to the top of a ladder only to arrive with just one of the nails. I just couldn't imagine where it could go in the process of climbing a few steps. One nail does not suffice when hanging garland that requires two. Back down I went!
It's like all the characters of Christmas join forces to tease and play with us until they arrive at their final destination on a tree, shelf or coffee table.
I swear I saw one of our Santas poke a snowman in the belly so he would see what was happening. They both laughed uncontrollably because I couldn't find the scissors I had just used to cut ribbon to make a bow. I think sometimes they actually hide -- but they never will admit it.
Years ago, when eye contacts weren't disposable, my wife lost one in the process of un-decorating. We searched the entire vicinity of where we were while being extremely careful not to move our feet for fear of stepping on it.
After almost an hour, we reluctantly threw in the towel and continued packing up. This case of the "missing" contact wasn't solved until the next year when we found the contact still stuck to the behind of a small snowman. I'm almost sure I heard him snicker!
My mother was the queen of not giving up on a search. I can remember multiple times when my sister and I helped Mother search into the wee hours of the morning.
"It's got to be somewhere in this house," Mother would proclaim. "The first one who finds it gets a prize!" Like rabbits with a carrot held in front of them, we searched. More times than not, the item was never recovered and was assumed to be swallowed up by the place where missing things go.
In case you think you are alone in this saga of magically disappearing belongings, you are not. Just the other day, I was chatting with a lady at my booth at a holiday market. I looked for my favorite pen to sign something for her and couldn't find it. She recounted a story of her missing handmade tree skirt.
As I listened to her story, I felt comforted that I was not alone.
When she undecorated last year, she promised herself she would purchase a new artificial tree before this Christmas. All of her holiday treasures were safely packed away in the darkness of the attic.
She received her wish of a new tree but when she pulled down her other decorations from storage, her prized tree skirt had vanished at some point during the year. She searched and searched the attic, but it was nowhere to be found.
Days passed before her husband climbed the steps to the attic to retrieve the still-boxed-up old tree. He was headed to donate it when they decided to take a peek inside. There, neatly folded at the bottom of the box, was the tree skirt. Dangerously close to becoming someone else's for a fraction of the cost, the skirt soon found its rightful place under the new tree.
From someone who knows firsthand, thin air doesn't take any time off during Christmas. Like a cloud, it hovers above you, patiently waiting to engulf something when your back is turned.
Who knows what will turn up missing next around here?
I'm sure all my Santas are just waiting to have another laugh. I'm not going to allow it to ruin my holidays -- and you shouldn't either!
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This story was originally published December 12, 2015 at 5:35 PM with the headline "BALLARD: Who stole my keys? And other Christmas mishaps ."