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It’s funny she should say that

Mrs. Cool Kid, seated, and her friend Sue Anne the soon-to-be reader, like to ask strangers at gas stations if they can pose for pictures in their sports cars.
Mrs. Cool Kid, seated, and her friend Sue Anne the soon-to-be reader, like to ask strangers at gas stations if they can pose for pictures in their sports cars. Special to The Telegraph

It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. But I was unprepared.

“Hold on,” I told Mrs. Cool Kid.

I got up, went to the kitchen and got a glass. I took it outside where I keep my rain barrel.

I filled the glass, took it back inside and sat down on my recliner.

“Say it again,” I told Mrs. Cool Kid.

And I began sipping.

“She said she's decided to take up reading.”

Spit-takes are best when you use rainwater. There's a purity to it. That's my whole reason for keeping that barrel out there.

Books aren't oysters — something you watch other people open and enjoy over the decades before you finally think, “Maybe I should try one.”

Mrs. Cool Kid was talking about her friend Sue Anne, who had asked for some book recommendations just before going all Steven Wright.

Sue Anne is about the same age as Mrs. Cool Kid, both being on the sunny side of 30. If you know what I mean.

It never occurred to me that anyone “took up” reading past the age of 7 or 8.

When I finally calmed down after laughing at Sue Anne, I felt bad.

I had hit my head several times while rolling around on the floor.

And after thinking about how rude it is to laugh at people behind their backs, I felt bad.

So I drove over to Sue Anne’s house and laughed at her from her driveway.

Books aren't oysters — something you watch other people open and enjoy over the decades before you finally think, “Maybe I should try one.”

But then again, books do contain pearls of wisdom.

Hmm.

Maybe Sue Anne is onto something.

Maybe I shouldn't have laughed at her.

I feel bad.

Note from Mrs. Cool Kid: I told him those oysters in the fridge were old. He listens like he writes — once a week.*

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