Late last Sunday night, a Bibb County sheriff’s deputy radioed that a Napier Avenue man was in cardiac arrest “after eating a large amount of the rabbit feces.” Could it be? An incident report of the 10:30 p.m. episode near Burton Avenue pretty much repeats what the deputy said on the radio. Cops were sent to the man’s house about a possible beating. The case was briefly upgraded to a homicide. The man, 53, was sprawled on his living room floor. He appeared dead. “The wife stated that he came home intoxicated and ate some rabbit feces and went into cardiac arrest,” the report said. A deputy called for an ambulance and then learned the man’s family had found him lying in his front yard. When paramedics resuscitated the man, the report noted, he was still drunk -- likely after drinking mouthwash, a sheriff’s sergeant later said. The man said he had been over in Pleasant Hill, a couple of miles away, and was walking home. He claimed that as he passed Williams Elementary School, 10 men with wooden sticks “attacked him from all angles,” the report said. “However, he does not remember how he got back home due to his heavy intoxication.” A couple of days later, the Cop Shop knocked on the man’s door to ask about the, um, bunny poo-poo. “Yeah, we got a rabbit in here called Thumper,” a woman there said. The Cop Shop asked about whether the man had really eaten rabbit droppings. “Noooo. Naaaw,” said the woman and then the man, who had by then joined her in the doorway. The woman did her best to explain: “He was standing right here when he came home. He was saying, ‘What is all this?’ You know, he was out of it. He said, ‘What is all this food sitting at the door?’ We said, ‘That’s not no food there, that’s where we clean out the cage with the rabbit.’’’ A deputy said later that the wife at first didn’t recognize the man flopped out in the yard. “Who’s that eating rabbit food?” she asked her children. “Mom,” they replied, “that’s not rabbit food.” A sheriff’s sergeant said there was no question the drunken man had eaten you-know-what. “One man’s feces,” the sergeant said, “is another man’s filet mignon.”
Dispatches: A guy on Majestic Court in Macon accused another fellow of stealing his doghouses Jan. 24. A Bibb deputy’s report noted there was “not enough supporting evidence” to make an arrest. A 19-year-old man who had several warrants for his arrest was visiting someone at a Macon hospital Jan. 25. Bibb deputies, told of his whereabouts, went to apprehend the man, who was in a room in the maternity wing. A nurse asked the guy to step outside, that deputies were there. “I ain’t going nowhere,” he said, according to a report, and then backed into a corner beside his grandmother, kicking and wiggling. “Y’all gonna have to kill me! Don’t let ’em take me, grandma!” The man was arrested and charged with obstruction.
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.