Opinion Columns & Blogs

‘Crooked Hillary’ versus ‘Dirty Donald’

With the conventions just around the corner we are now in full blown media manipulation at an unprecedented level. Allow me a few words to describe just how absurd this process has become as we look at the present and into the “Limbo Rock” future of presidential politics or “how low can you go.”

This year, it’s the “Crooked Hillary” versus the “Dirty Donald” show, sure to increase the ratings and lower the IQ of everyone watching. A “he said, she said” on steroids. The other day it was the Star of David-gate whereby Trump exposed himself to be the hater of Jews he must be if his daughter is married to one and in fact became one herself in 2009 (Wikipedia, the source for all things factual). It appears — through totally unreliable sources — that she converted thinking that one day her father might need the Jewish vote and it would attract them if there was at least one Jew in the family.

Along comes Star of David-gate, negating her conversion and rendering him in danger of losing the Jewish vote to Clinton, who has no doubt considered stuffing Bill’s mouth with a kippah, after Tarmac-gate with the U.S. Attorney General, where they discussed golf and grandchildren for 30 minutes while a multitude of “handlers” drowned their sorrows in the airport lounge.

I guess the former first lady who, according to Rachel Ray, has developed a penchant for baking cookies and has invested thousands of dollars in dough, in case this presidential gig doesn’t bear fruit (Wikipedia, the source for all things half-baked), decided that it was more important to cover his mouth at this time than his head. I’m sure if she thought it would gain her even one vote she would have him wearing one while eating massive amounts of cookie dough in solidarity with Jewish bakers.

And so we are to believe “Dirty Donald” hates the Jews and Willie can talk about golf and grandchildren for 30 minutes with a woman who may be prosecuting his wife (the baker) and the future mother of our new country. Something tells me that after “How’s the grandchildren” and “what’s your handicap” Loretta was “feeling the Bern” as the former president and gifted politician (Wikipedia, the source of all things B.S.) laid out her future as one which could go up or down — not unlike the polls which currently have both candidates scoring high marks on the hate meter.

Mrs. Clinton pulled a page out of President Obama’s book of fantasy entitled, “What Entitled Means to Me,” when she offered free WiFi in high traffic areas to increase the reading skills of those who own zero books but are good at looking things up using pictures provided by Google.

So how will the future look? Well, the surfing nod, a gesture given by one too busy on the smartphone to have a conversation will no doubt remain as the most oft used means of communication in the country. Trump’s sons, famous for their wanton killing of exotic animals, will probably be doing a photo-opt with the SPCA, but that’s mostly dogs and cats, giving Mrs. Clinton an opportunity to weigh in with a comment that not enough is being done with ghetto strays. Trump doesn’t care about black cats and of course, poor white cats.

Sporting a pantsuit made from white Leopard skin, Mrs. Trump will be on the cover of Field and Stream touting the Trump boys’ marksmanship with only one hole in the pantsuit (one shot to bring this dangerous predator down) conveniently located near the navel area. Both candidates will attempt to increase the voting rolls by allowing dead people to vote, with Mrs. Clinton giving those who died poor, a ride to the polls.

The candidates, in the interest of honesty and fair play, will insist that said dead person can vote only once, with the vote counting half as much as a live person who can prove they are, in fact alive, dead people being the default in this case with no voter I.D. required.

Sonny Harmon is a professor emeritus at Georgia Military College. Visit his blog at http://sharmon09.blogspot.com.