Opinion Columns & Blogs

HARMON: Politician for the common man

Well everyone needs a champion and I’m no exception. I heard there’s one that will be available soon and although I’m not gay, as are the fellows in her send-off video, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express and I suppose you could say I’m what Hillary would consider an “everyday” or “common” citizen.

Having her as my champion around this house might help solve several problems facing this “everyday” old man. After all, it is just about every day I have to listen to some politician tell me how they’re going to be my champion. I guess that makes me an “everyday” and very common citizen as opposed to someone -- say -- with “royal” tendencies. Wonder what else I’m doing that would make me “everyday”? I guess it would have to be something different from what my champion Hillary does because she is certainly not common. But I digress.

My wife has never been what you might call a “great cook.” Oh, she enjoys her time in the kitchen and will, on occasion, fashion a great Sunday dinner, but after that, we get weird food designed to make us live longer and stay healthy. The menu includes sprouts and things the dogs won’t touch even with empty food bowls. And while I’m all into living and staying healthy, I’d sure like a piece of meat on Wednesdays, it being “hump day” and all. Maybe our new “champion” has some recipes for “hump of camel” my wife can use during the week to make our everyday existence a little more “palatable.” Or maybe a dessert of some sort. No, that wouldn’t work. Might involve the baking of cookies, a common task in which she would not partake.

Then there’s the bigger problem, the car problem with the two adults we have currently living here with their child. We’ve never been what you would call “Kardashian rich” so all of the cars bought since time began in this family have been used cars. Previously owned is not an accurate term because that could mean the car had been owned, but not used. The only ones I know of belong to Jay Leno out in California.

We have five used cars, putting an average of 12,000 miles a year on each. My favorite is the 2006 Toyota Solera convertible. The age of these vehicles averages about 10 years each. The two adults and their child use the Ford Sportrack because it’s safer and has the car seat, which comes with a cup holder in which his “rottenness” can place his cup.

They told me the other day his “rottenness” needs to learn the meaning of the word “no,” to which I replied, “Really, and who in this family is going to look that word up? None of us can define it off the top of our rotten heads.” My daughter’s husband uses the 1999 Jeep for work because, well, he has to, and the insurance on the thing is about the cost of a large bag of dog food. I made a big mistake last year by telling his wife and my daughter that she could have the convertible until they “got on their feet.” Talk about defining “no,” what about the phrase, “got on their feet”? Who’s the decider on that?

Well, my champion Hillary of course, who seems to have a knack for always landing on her feet. The decider cannot be my daughter because, if she were, I would never drive that convertible again. So hopefully Hillary will enter our miserable, everyday, common lives and be the decider. And I would hope she would decide in my favor that my daughter is now “on her feet” and can give that car back to me.

I looked at it the other day and it has now reached what is known as “the ding peak.” That is to say one more ding and it will take a champion fender and body man to restore its value. I just hope the thing can make it to 2016 when Hillary comes riding into my common existence and restores my everyday used car.

Sonny Harmon is a professor emeritus at Georgia Military College. Visit his blog at http://sharmon09.blogspot.com.