He was on the front porch, bleeding from his chest when the cop got there. Not long after the Bibb County sheriff’s deputy pulled up at the house just north of the airport on Ga. 247, the deputy called for an ambulance. Then he asked the guy who was bleeding what happened. The bleeding man, a 25-year-old from Bonaire, said his girlfriend, a Waffle House waitress, had accused him of cheating on her. “He stated she first threw a Mason jar-style drinking glass that struck (him) on the side of the head,” the deputy wrote in his report of the July 12 incident. “He said it bounced off and landed on the floor. She then approached him and began slapping his face, which caused his nose to bleed.” The man said he shoved the woman, but that she “then picked up a wooden baseball bat and swung it at him.” The man said he grabbed the bat and threw it out the front door. While he was doing that, he said his girlfriend reached down and picked up a piece of a ceramic cat food bowl that had been smashed in the fray. He told the deputy that she used the shard to stab him in the upper chest, leaving an inch-and-a-half-long gash. The deputy asked the woman, 24, if that was true. “Yes,” she said, “but I didn’t swing the bat, and if I really wanted to hurt him I would have stabbed him with something other than a broken cat bowl.” While she was sitting in the back of the deputy’s patrol car about to go to jail on an aggravated assault charge, the boyfriend asked her if he could borrow $20. “She said yes,” the deputy’s report said, “and asked me to get it out of her purse. I removed two $10 bills and handed them to him. He then got into the ambulance and was transported to the hospital.”
The tint on the purple 2014 Dodge Challenger’s windows was extra dark. A Bibb sheriff’s deputy noticed it and pulled the car over near Bowman Street in east Macon’s Fort Hill neighborhood on July 22. “While speaking to the occupants, I could smell the odor of raw marijuana,” the deputy wrote in his report. “I asked the occupants about the odor and the driver stated that I was smelling the potato chips in the glove box.” The cop searched the car and found a container with about $50 worth of weed in it. The driver, 29, was charged with marijuana possession.
It was almost midnight July 17 when a Bibb sheriff’s deputy was dispatched to a prowler call at a house near Central High School. According to an incident report, a woman at the Napier Avenue home told the deputy that she and her husband “were in their bedroom getting ready to have intercourse” when they noticed a man watching them through a window. When the husband announced that the police were on the way, the man ran off. A Budweiser can found outside the couple’s window was taken to the county crime lab for fingerprinting.
Dispatches: About 2:45 one morning last month, a gold 1998 Pontiac Sunfire plowed into a brick retaining wall and wrought-iron fence at the intersection of Forest Hill Road and Ridge Avenue in Macon. The car’s driver, a 21-year-old man, reeked of the “overwhelming aroma” of alcohol, according to a Bibb sheriff’s report. The driver told a deputy there he’d had the standard “couple beers” to drink. But then the guy said he’d downed “quite a few more than a few beers,” the report noted. When asked to take a sobriety test, the man reportedly told the cop, “I’m gonna make a decision for you: I’m drunk.” ... A pool monitor at some apartments on Calhoun Street in Macon called the cops July 19 because a resident had invited too many guests to swim. The apartments are just off Oglethorpe Street. The monitor said that when she informed the resident, a woman, that the extra guests had to leave, the resident cussed her out and called her a “hillbilly.” A sheriff’s report said the resident yelled and put her fingers in the monitor’s face before leaving, saying, “I’m going to whoop your ass.” ... A 62-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting at the Zebulon Road Wal-Mart in Macon on July 18. He’d allegedly put several items in the basket of a motorized shopping cart he was riding and then wheeled through an exit without paying. The haul included 36 rolls of toilet paper, bleach, potato sticks and two boxes of Nutty Bars. When a store security officer stopped the guy, he told the officer that his wife was paying for the stuff, that he was merely going out “to stretch my legs.”
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.