It was about 3 a.m. when the cops got a call about a fight outside a north Macon bar. The trouble happened in the parking lot at Billy’s Clubhouse on Forest Hill Road. A woman there said a man “had inappropriately touched her genitals,” a Bibb County sheriff’s report of the June 23 incident noted. “A brief struggle between the male and a group of females ensued.” The man, 25, ran across the street to a bar called Rivalry’s. When sheriff’s deputies met him there, he was bleeding and had a large lump over his left eye, the incident report said. “He stated that a large black female that looked like a man hit him two times in his left eye with a large chunk of concrete.” After he was taken to a hospital, deputies spoke to a woman who said the man had hit her first, that she was defending herself, the report said. But her story kept changing, and her written statement of the encounter was unreadable, a deputy noted in the report. Officers found a rock they think was used to hit the man, but the report said they couldn’t “determine who the primary aggressor was” and that they would follow up “with both parties while they are sober.”
A 45-year-old man was arrested June 24 after a disturbance at the Loaves & Fishes Ministry on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard in downtown Macon. A Bibb sheriff’s report said the fellow went into the place shortly after 9 that morning and “began to curse and use all types of profanity.” Then he cussed even louder and was “more rude and disorderly,” the report added. When a cop told him to leave, the guy said something that made little sense. But the deputy noted it just the same. “I ain’t going no (expletive) where,” the fellow said. “The taxpayer gonna have to make me leave.” The deputy, a disciple of the taxpayers, locked him up for disorderly conduct.
About noon on June 20, a man was reportedly cussing outside the Poplar Mart at 565 Poplar St. in Macon. The man, 39, who had been banned from the store, claimed “some demented woman hit him with a buggy,” a sheriff’s report noted. The report said the man cussed a store employee for “always calling the police on me,” and flung a full can of Steel Reserve 211 beer at the worker. A deputy caught up with the guy in an alley off Second Street and took him to jail for disorderly conduct.
Dispatches: Three people were in an east Macon front yard arguing over beer and weed, according to a June 23 Bibb sheriff’s report. The scuffle happened on Garden Street, off Main Street, a block from the Macon Coliseum. A man there told the cops that two women went to his room asking for pot and beer. “All three subjects,” the sheriff’s report stated, “were very drunk and they all accused each other of telling a lie.” ... A 66-year-old man at a house in the 4300 block of Ayers Road in northwest Macon called the cops July 1 and said his girlfriend had grabbed a hammer and tried to whack his toes. ... A woman who lives in an apartment complex in the 3700 block of Houston Avenue in Macon said someone spray-painted her car and slashed its tires July 1. She reportedly told a Bibb deputy that the culprit might be a member of a gang whose colors are black and red. The car, a white Dodge, was spray-painted the same colors. It was also smeared with eggs and barbecue sauce. “I’m going to have someone beat (him),” the woman told the deputy. “He is going to get his ass whoop!”
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations to email@example.com.