Cop Shop: Underwear search unearths unsmoked weed

A suspicious-looking man at a Montpelier Avenue convenience store was, as a March 17 Bibb County sheriff’s report noted, glancing “toward his genital area.” The man, 25, looked nervous, shifty. A deputy standing near him smelled the stench of unsmoked marijuana. When the deputy patted the man down, the report said, “my fingertips got to the front of his pants (and) I felt a bulge that was crinkle (sic) to the touch. The bulge I immediately recognized as plastic baggies referred to as ‘dime bags.’” The deputy wrote that he played coy with the man and asked the man what was in his pants. “He shouted, ‘That’s all me,’ letting out a playful laugh,” the report said. “Squeezing the package, I asked, ‘Does this hurt?’ The individual responded, ‘Huh?’ I stated to him if his genital felt like marijuana baggies then I need to call him an ambulance.” The deputy reached into the man’s boxer-briefs and pulled out half a dozen packets of pot. The man was jailed on a possession charge.

A 5-foot-4-inch, 210-pound woman wearing nothing but a bra and black leggings was flinging clothes from the second floor of a Northside Drive apartment. When a Bibb sheriff’s deputy arrived there late on the night of March 13, the 48-year-old woman’s daughter said the woman “had been drinking all day and consumed two large bottles of vodka,” an incident report said. The woman was “loud and boisterous” and she refused to calm down, telling relatives there, “I pay half the (bleeping) bills in the house. If I get locked up I’m done with your sorry (bleep).” The deputy noted that “for a brief moment” the woman cooled off and he gave her four options. He told her she could go to her room and go to sleep. She declined. The deputy said she could go to a friend’s place. She said she had no friends in town. The deputy said she could go to a motel. No, she said, “I paid $90 on the light bill and I’m staying in this mutha.” The fourth option was “go to jail for disorderly conduct.” The woman, the deputy noted, “chose option 4.” She grabbed a shirt from her son’s hand, marched outside and hopped in the back seat of the deputy’s cruiser. While she was being booked at the county jail, the report said she refused to answer questions, but she “flirted with male inmates while insulting their manhood in the same breath.” When she was locked in a cell, she “yelled for several minutes before passing out on the floor.”

A man parked his 1990 Chevy pickup near a friend’s Vineville Avenue apartment on March 15. When the man returned to the truck, someone had used lipstick or nail polish to write a message on the driver’s side window: “Please park in one space.” He went to an apartment near the parking space and a woman there admitted writing the message. Then she slammed the door in his face. When a Bibb sheriff’s deputy went to her door, the deputy asked her to clean the gunk off the man’s window. She slammed the door in the deputy’s face. When she refused to come out, a criminal trespassing warrant was issued for her arrest.

Dispatches: A man went into a Montpelier Avenue convenience store on March 17. He grabbed a bottle of ketchup and, after allegedly punching a clerk, left without paying. ... It was after 10 p.m. March 18 when a Bibb deputy answered a burglar alarm call on South Walden Road. It turned out to be a false alarm, but the deputy noticed two men in a Dodge pickup parked in the driveway. Then he smelled marijuana. The truck’s cab was full of smoke. One of the men inside said he and his mother live at the house, and that he and a friend had just smoked a blunt, the deputy’s write-up noted. The man who lived there told the cop that when he saw the deputy coming he ate the blunt. ... After a March 24 fight on Brookdale Avenue, one of the alleged fighters, a 24-year-old man, was arrested. While sitting in the back of a deputy’s squad car, he yelled to family and friends outside that he “had to get” the guy he’d brawled with. “I love you, Mama! Hold it down! (He’s) gonna get what’s coming to him soon as I hop out this b----!”

Law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to jkovac@macon.com.