A man went to the Bibb County Sheriff’s Office March 18 to report a lost guitar. The guitar belonged to a friend. The man said that between noon and 2 p.m. that day he had taken the Fender Stratocaster several places. He went to Washington Park and played guitar there. Then he went to another friend’s house and later to a pet store. He doesn’t know if the guitar was stolen or if he left it at the park. He said the guitar has a maple neck and a red body with silver screws and gold-plated tuners. He has no way of getting the Fender’s serial number because the friend it belongs to is in prison.
It was about 4 o’clock in the morning when a blue Chevy Sonic plowed into a telephone pole. When a Bibb deputy arrived at the crash scene just west of Pio Nono Avenue at the corner of Montpelier and Cedar avenues, a man was staggering around the car. “He was stumbling all around,” the deputy noted in his report of the March 21 incident. The man, 34, mumbled and slurred when he spoke. He said he was fine, that he was not the driver. The deputy noted that the man smelled of alcohol and “had a large amount of vomit all down his shirt, down the front of his pants, and leading all down his legs. I also noticed that he had soiled himself.” The man kept insisting he was not the driver, even though, as the deputy wrote, “no one had asked.” The deputy looked in the car. Air bags had blown, keys were in the ignition and there was “a mass amount of vomit in the driver’s seat,” the deputy wrote. “I also noticed that there was vomit on the underside of the steering column.” The deputy asked the man if anyone else had been in the car. The man said no, that he was the only one, yet he denied being the driver. The man was charged with DUI.
A 21-year-old woman and another woman were engaged in what a March 4 Bibb sheriff’s report described as “mutual combat.” They were scrapping in someone’s front yard, fighting over another woman’s brother. One of the combatants was gone when a deputy arrived, but the 21-year-old was still there. Her hair was “matted and filled with grass and leaves, and her clothes were covered in dirt,” a deputy’s write-up said. “I also noticed that she appeared to be heavily intoxicated.” The woman soon began cussing. “Take me to jail,” she said. “Get me outta here. ... I ain’t going to no hospital. I’m about to go home.” But first she tried to go to the bathroom. According to the report, she “repeatedly tried to squat down to urinate in public.” She was jailed on fighting, obstruction, drunkenness and disorderly conduct charges.
Dispatches: A man walked out of the Gray Highway Wal-Mart on March 20 without paying for a $20 pair of pants, $15 worth of condoms and a $20 pack of fungus cream. ... On March 12, a woman who lives on Log Cabin Drive asked her 17-year-old son to clean his room. He the “became angry, defiant and started punching holes in the wall,” a Bibb sheriff’s report said. The son, who told a deputy “his mom was crazy,” was charged with disorderly conduct. ... As she was being booked into the Bibb jail March 4, a 27-year-old Macon woman was seen removing “several Xanax pills from her vaginal area and from her mouth,” an incident report stated. ... On March 5, a woman on General Winship Drive reported that her ex-lover had spit in a bottle of her medicine. ... On March 10, an alleged shoplifter at Advance Auto Parts on Northside Drive stole a socket set, a flashlight and some other items. The man, 31, was outside when a Bibb deputy stopped him. “I don’t know why I did it!” the man yelled. “I know it was stupid!”
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Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.