The Cool Kid's Guide to Reading: Wherein I remain ticked off

First, a recap of last week’s column.

But first, a comment. If you order a recaf, decaf, uncaf, threecaf at a coffee shop, they admire your wit.

Now the recap, which no longer is first. But should be, so I’ll go back and delete that second first part.

First things first, though. Mrs. Cool Kid says I ought to (which she pronounces “got to”) put Hot Dog the Cool Dog outside.

OK, done. Now, back to the column proper.

Uhmm ... seems like I was going to take something out. But that can’t be right. Each word I write is a tiny wonder of color, cut, clarity and carat.

Anyway, we really need to get rolling here -- space and time are a-wasting. So let me, in both truth and deed, recap last week’s column whereby this week’s column might resemble some semblance of sense.

Howard of Warwick had written a novel about the Magna Carta that was being released June 15 to coincide with the 800th anniversary of King John’s signing of the document. I was going to download it mere seconds after midnight and stay up all night reading it.

But come 12:03 a.m., the web page still said the novel -- titled “The Magna Carta (Or Is It?)” -- was only available for pre-order. I checked back at 1 a.m. Same thing.

So I went to bed. But first I shook my fist in an ominous manner and vowed vengeance.

Now we come to the point of the column where the column starts to have a point, which means you can skip all that stuff at the beginning. Except the part about how each word I write is a gem. That part’s good. And true. Read that part.

So ... vengeance. A noble pursuit, but against Amazon? That thing is mondo biggo, amorphous and soon to have drones.

I could, in the apt manner of King John, call up my bannermen and do battle. But my bannermen are a rarely bathed lot of louts and the jalopies they ride around in embarrass me.

Or I could wait and download the novel when Amazon deemed it fit and proper I should do so, which is what I did.

It was another winner from ol’ Howard. He’s the rare writer who puts his twists at the beginning of the book rather than the end. It makes for fine, fun reading.

So all in all, all was cool. As all should always be.

But for the sake of my coolness, I can’t let Amazon skate completely. So here goes:

Amazon? More like Ain’tazon, ya rube.


To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240 or email