The Cool Kid's Guide to Reading: You don’t have to read to be well-read

I’ve never read “Robinson Crusoe.” I haven’t seen a movie adaptation or scanned the Wikipedia synopsis. But I can tell you what it’s about.

cool kid to editor: insert plot summary for me

Summary summary summary blah blah blah, you lazy prima donna.

You see? Impressive, huh?

Many classic novels are like this. “Moby Dick” is another one.

If you did a survey, I bet you’d discover that 99 out of 100 people would love to get that pesky 1 out of 100 freak in a corner somewhere and whale on him for being such a standoffish oaf.

And in that same survey, I bet you’d discover that 99 out of 100 people haven’t read “Moby Dick,” but can describe the novel’s plot and symbolism.

You might ask, “Cool Kid, how is that possible?” But don’t, because I just did it for you and my time is valuable.

Some people would call it osmosis. But those are the same people who use the word “plethora” a lot. We don’t like those people. Most of them are from out of state, anyway.

I call it reading through living. Some books are part of life, and you learn them that way.

Here’s another example: The Harry Potter canon. I’ve never read any of the Harry Potter novels, but because of their popularity, my mind has absorbed the main gist of the tales along with a familiarity with the characters.

Keep reading and be amazed.

cool kid to editor: insert description of Harry Potter series and profiles of a character or two

Harry Potter is a young man who works in the lawn department of the Home Depot in Scratchy Bottom Saggs, England, and loves to play video games.

When his Wii wand breaks and he can’t afford to buy a new one, he sets out to find a used one at a reasonable price.

His quest results in a series of exciting and dangerous adventures, including lunch specials at Applebee’s, a traffic jam outside of Devonshire and an argument with two curiously dressed ladies about whether Wicca is an ancient religion or just some nonsense made up during the hippie days.

He has a girlfriend he met at the local juco who is trying to trade up and a best friend that readers imagine is much cuter than Harry.

You see? Impressive, huh?

Reading through living. Another wonder the world of books has given us.

cool kid to editor: running behind. please add my contact info

To contact writer Randy Waters, staple a note to his forehead.