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The Cool Kid's Guide to Reading: Writing to the writer

(FIRST DRAFT)

Dear Mr. Tom Holt:

I’m writing to let you know how much I enjoy your historical novels. They are great.

Also, I would like a refund. While I’ve waited (since 2005!) for your next historical novel, I’ve purchased and read (tried to read, actually) some of your “comic” novels.

I want my money back.

Send me about $50. I kept buying those uncomic, decomic, noncomic, miscomic, imcomic novels in the unfulfilled hope that one would be as good as your historical novels.

But you fooled me, sir. I hope you’re proud.

Sincerely,

Your sometime-fan, The Cool Kid

(SECOND DRAFT)

Dear Mr. Tom Holt:

I’m writing to let you know how much I enjoy your historical novels. They are great.

Also, I would like to warn you that someone is using your name to publish some stupid books that are laughably called “comic” novels -- that outrageous claim being the only funny thing about them.

I bought several of those books and felt ripped off. But then I realized that I had read your five historical novels at least four times each. So I feel even-Steven (although that is not my real name).

I eagerly await your next novel.

Sincerely,

Your fan, The Cool Kid

NOTE FROM THE COOL KID: Tom Holt’s historical novels are “The Walled Orchard,” “Alexander at the World’s End,” “Olympiad,” “Song for Nero” and “Meadowland.” They are fantastic, and rich in natural humor. Go figure. I won’t mention the titles of his “comic” novels. Not here. Not there. Not now. Not when or Wednesday.

To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240.

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