It was just past 9 on a recent Friday morning when a Bibb County sheriff’s deputy was dispatched to a house in the 400 block of Forest Hill Road in north Macon. Someone had complained about a man exposing himself while standing outside the front door of his own house. When the deputy got there, as the deputy noted in his write-up of the May 11 encounter, the man was pleasuring himself. “I made a quick U-turn and approached the residence. I knocked on the door and the white male was wearing very short blue jeans and no T-shirt. … I placed him in custody and searched his person.” The man denied that he had been pleasuring himself. His excuse? “(He) stated that he has COPD and can’t masturbate or he will not be able to breathe,” the deputy’s report said. “I told him I personally witnessed him.” The man said he needed to go inside “to complete his breathing treatment,” the deputy’s report said. The deputy told the guy he could continue that at the county jail and noted in his write-up that the man’s breathing-treatment machine “was not connected” nor was it even turned on.
There was a strange episode earlier this month in the 100 block of Rogers Avenue in Macon. A woman who lives there told the cops that she woke about 3 a.m. on May 6 to find her ex-boyfriend in her bedroom. She later found the man, 28, hiding behind a couch. “She screamed and told him to get out or she was calling the police. He then fled the residence,” a Bibb County sheriff’s report said. The woman told a sheriff’s deputy that her ex has a drug problem and that he sometimes asks her for money. The woman soon realized that a jar she saves money in was missing from its hiding place. There was about $900 in the jar. The woman later texted the guy, and he replied, “I don’t have to return it.” The deputy planned to seek a warrant for the man’s arrest.
A woman accused of coming and going as she pleased caused a stir at a rental house on Brigham Street in Macon’s Payne City neighborhood. The landlord there told the woman, 22, that “she could not just go into other people’s space,” a sheriff’s report of the episode said. The woman apparently took offense. She grew “extremely defensive and irate,” the report added, and she allegedly struck the landlord in the face. An eyewitness to the scrape said the woman “cold-cocked” the landlord. The woman later told a sheriff’s deputy that she “lost control,” but she denied hitting the landlord. The woman, who had no identification, tried to walk off but was detained. She claimed she was “a Sovereign Citizen,” the report said and that she was “a free traveler.” The deputy found needles and drug baggies often used for narcotics in the woman’s backpack. She was arrested on numerous charges, including obstruction. The report also said the woman told the deputy that she didn’t want to go to jail because “she did not want to go through withdrawal.”
Dispatches: A few months ago, a woman at a food mart on Houston Avenue in Macon reportedly hurled a cup of ice at a store clerk. She was apparently mad because she bought something to drink and a cigar but left the items behind and walked out after paying for them. When she returned, the items were gone. She later reportedly threatened to “mess up the store.” . . . Late last month, a 35-year-old man on Stonecrest Court in south Bibb County ordered a $1,000 Pokemon “Charizard” trading card. The man called sheriff’s deputies after a package containing the card was apparently delivered to a neighbor’s house by mistake. The package had been opened and, you guessed it, the card was gone. The neighbors, according to a deputy's write-up, said they were not the ones who took it. . . . A man told the cops he was driving his car up Mulberry Street Lane behind the Thirsty Turtle bar in the wee hours of May 13 when someone threw a shot glass and cracked his windshield.
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Mail reports of unusual situations your officers encounter to Telegraph reporter and Cop Shop columnist Joe Kovac Jr. at firstname.lastname@example.org.