A skinny man in blue jeans and an orange shirt was lying on the floor of a Wal-Mart toy department, drinking beer he hadn’t paid for. A Bibb County sheriff’s deputy was sent to the Gray Highway store about 11 p.m. on May 28. When the deputy arrived, he noticed the man had a six-pack of Icehouse and that two beers were missing. “I asked this subject where the other two were,” the deputy wrote in his report, “and he stated, ‘I drank them.’” The man, 45, from Augusta, was jailed on a shoplifting charge for the beer and, according to the report, for concealing three Schick razors and a pack of dental floss.
It was early in the afternoon on May 27 when a Bibb sheriff’s deputy was sent to check on a reported theft at a convenience store. A man there said he gave a friend $20 to go into the Citgo mart at 701 Eisenhower Parkway near Second Street and buy him scratch-off lottery tickets. The man, 27, couldn’t go in himself because, according to the deputy’s incident report, he had been banned from the store for trying to steal beer. The man’s friend took the $20, went in and asked the clerk if the $20 was real. It was. Before long, the friend walked out, hopped in a car and rode off. The man who was out $20 tried to stop the car but couldn’t.
A midnight fuss between a pair of 22-year-old Macon women led one of them to stab a hole in the other’s car tire. A sheriff’s report of the May 29 incident on Lions Place in southwest Macon said the tire-puncturer claimed the car’s owner had “jumped on her brother.” The car’s owner said she told the other woman repeatedly that she didn’t know her and hadn’t fought her brother. An eyewitness told a sheriff’s deputy she heard the car owner say, “You let the air out of my tires!” and then heard the other woman say, “Because you jumped on my brother!” The tire-flattener, according to the deputy’s report, was last seen wearing a gray shirt, black shorts and a bonnet.
Dispatches: Cops raided a house north of Statesboro on May 10 when Bulloch County sheriff’s deputies found a wanted man holed up there after a foot chase. Inside were “several individuals involved in illegal drug activities,” a state game warden’s report noted, and a search of the house turned up a 3-foot-long alligator in a bathtub. “The suspect admitted to catching the alligator and holding it in his home.” ... A 27-year-old man scrounging for cigarette butts in a parking lot near the intersection of Pio Nono Avenue and Eisenhower Parkway on the morning of June 3 later told a Bibb sheriff’s deputy that he “had to go to the restroom all of a sudden.” Someone at the nearby Overtyme Bar & Grill called the law after seeing the man about 7:30 a.m., relieving himself in a bottle. The man was charged with loitering. ... A burglar who broke into a house on Valley Forge Road near Wesleyan College on June 3 left a half-eaten candy bar on the kitchen floor.
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Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.