The woman’s first mistake was hollering cuss words at the cop as he rode by on Houston Avenue. Her second came when, as a Bibb County sheriff’s deputy duly noted in his report of a June 15 incident, she stood in the road “and extended both her middle fingers and pointed them in my direction.” Her third happened when she “then bent over and extended her behind in my direction, and began slapping herself while screaming offensive language.” It was a Sunday. A nearby church was letting out. The woman, 35, kept on cursing. A crowd gathered. The deputy told the woman to cool it, but she marched up and yelled in his face. She said she was irate because someone she described as “that Piggly Wiggly (expletive) kicked me out of my damn house!” The deputy tried repeatedly to calm her, but that only made her scream more. The deputy went to arrest her but she pulled away, yelling, “I don’t have any (expletive) panties or shoes on!” Then, the deputy’s report noted, she “pulled her sweatpants down, fully exposing her buttocks.” She was jailed, charged with disorderly conduct.
It might also behoove you to get off the phone when a cop pulls you over. A Bibb deputy stopped an Acura coupe off Columbus Road June 14 because a passenger riding in it wasn’t wearing a seat belt. The deputy asked the passenger, a 19-year-old woman, why she wasn’t buckled up. The woman was on her cellphone. According to the deputy’s write-up of the encounter, the passenger told the person she was on the phone with, “Girl, he talking about he stopping me because I didn’t have on my seat belt. They ain’t got (expletive) else better to do! I should have stayed in counseling.” When the cop asked for her license, she threw it at him. The woman, still on the phone, told the person she was chatting with, “Girl, he giving me a ticket. He ain’t got (expletive) else to do.” Asked to sign the citation, she refused to take the ticket. The deputy dropped it in her lap. That’s when she “took the phone from her ear and screamed ... at me.” Informed that she was now being charged with disorderly conduct, the woman, according to the report, “became apologetic and asked the driver to call her mother.”
A 36-year-old man who lives off Houston Avenue, just south of Hightower Road, said his roommate cut him on the leg with a knife June 16. A Bibb deputy who went to the scene of the St. James Avenue incident asked the wounded man why his roommate, 63, had cut him. He said he didn’t know. By then, the wounded man had wrapped his leg with a towel to stanch the bleeding. The deputy spoke to the alleged attacker, who said his roomie “is not right in the head,” that he had snapped and shoved the older man down, kicking him, prompting the older man to defend himself with a knife. The 63-year-old said he was holding the knife and when the roommate kicked him, he kicked the knife and was cut. The 36-year-old admitted knocking down his roommate. Asked why, the 36-year-old told the deputy, “Because I’m a badass!” He was taken in for a mental evaluation.
A Macon woman called the cops June 19 because her ex-boyfriend had bashed in the passenger-side windows of her 2005 Saturn Aura with a concrete block. A sheriff’s report mentioned that the ex-boyfriend claimed the woman had given him a sexually transmitted disease.
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.