The handyman must have worn out his welcome. He had been doing some work for a Rogers Road woman in southwest Bibb County in exchange for a place to stay. But he “could not keep a neat house or work area and was becoming too much of a burden,” a June 1 sheriff’s report said. He was asked to leave. He did, but he left his tools behind. He later inquired about retrieving them. The family of the woman he’d been working for refused to hand them over because he owed upward of $1,500 in personal debt. That’s when the handyman, according to the report, began sending the family text messages. The messages accused one of the woman’s kin of being “a meth head,” adding that he was “only with his wife for her money.” Other texts warned that “destruction” in the form of “fire and brimstone” was on the way. The handyman, the sheriff’s report said, claimed “Jesus was telling him to send these messages, and that because Jesus was on his side that he will win.”
A Macon man told the cops that someone swiped his backpack and brown wallet on May 30. The man, who lives in the 200 block of Walnut Street in downtown, figured the theft happened two days earlier. But according to a Bibb sheriff’s report he was, at the time, “too drunk to report it.”
Bibb deputies met up with a man on Triple Hill Drive, not far from Houston Avenue in south Macon on June 1. The man, 24, had called 911 to report a theft. The guy wanted help recovering his stolen cash, an incident report noted. Seems he had gone “to a drug house to buy drugs and they took his money.” The man was charged with misuse of 911.
A woman and her three kids hadn’t seen the children’s father in months. But on June 2 they bumped into him at a store on Pio Nono Avenue. The children, according to a Bibb sheriff’s report, asked if they could go and stay with their father the next weekend. The father, 43, agreed. He kept the kids the following Friday night, the report said, but while doing so he made repeated calls asking the mother “to come and get the kids because he said he gets drunk on the weekends and ... these (expletive) kids ... are getting on my nerves.”
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A woman in a huff marched into the Pelican Food Store on Houston Avenue in south Macon on June 4. She was upset, cussing at the convenience mart’s clerk. A Bibb sheriff’s report said she “complained about not receiving gas” at the pumps. The clerk offered to give the woman her receipt. She declined, the report said, and instead grabbed a banana from the counter and flung it at the clerk, hitting him on the left arm. Then she drove off.
Cops catch their share of foul-mouthed tongue lashings from people they lock up. A drunk-and-disorderly suspect some Bibb deputies collared June 7 unleashed a 12:30 a.m. swear-athon for the ages. The alleged cusser, a 21-year-old, was “extremely intoxicated” and refusing to leave the area around Second and Poplar streets. According to their write-up of the encounter, the deputies told him he wouldn’t be in any trouble if he’d just move along. “No, take me to jail. Come on, you (expletives),” he replied. “Take me to jail, (expletives)! Stop being (expletives)! Call my Dad! Beat my ass! Hit me! Hit me!” Then he “took an aggressive stance” and the deputies granted his wish: a trip to the county lockup. On the ride to jail, the cussing continued: “Let me out of here you (expletives)! My Dad owns the border! I have a million dollars! ... Take me home you (expletive) (expletive) (expletive)!”
Note to midstate law enforcement agencies: Email reports of humorous or unusual crimes and situations your officers encounter to firstname.lastname@example.org.