If Sam I Am followed me around insisting that I eat breakfast at his command, I’d snatch that platter away and feed him green eggs and ham in reverse.
I do not like him, Sam I Am.
He’s a punk. A goon. A tool for Big Pork, Big Poultry and Big Food Coloring. A chatty elfin buttinsky.
And possibly, dare I say, a hippie.
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This being a family newspaper, I can’t call him what he most is.
Let’s just say it rhymes with “single carry.”
I’ve read thousands of books, and he’s the most unpleasant character I’ve run across. I’d rather room with Cthulhu than be in the same archipelago with Sam I Am.
Sure, he’s popular with kids. So is snot.
I wish Sam I Am was in one of those mash-up books (the “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” type).
You could put him in a box with a fox, along with someone who’s not a picky eater. Hannibal Lecter, say.
The title could be “Green Eggs and Ham and a Side of Sam I Am.”
To contact writer Randy Waters, call 744-4240.