Comments (0) | |

Sunday, Dec. 14, 2008

Braves need to get into holiday shopping spirit

With the holiday season in full swing, it’s a good time to point out that there are two distinct types of shoppers when it comes to getting the best gifts possible before the big guy shoehorns himself down the chimney.

First, there are the rabid bargain hunters, and Black Friday marks the opening of the season. This type of shopper meticulously combs through ads with the fervor of a wolverine in search of great deals and the hottest items. They will carefully plot out their plan of attack, even going so far as to write down which stores to pounce on first and which will fall victim to their ferocity thereafter.

They will plan to have Thanksgiving dinner at noon just to be in bed by 5 p.m. so they can arise at a time when most people fall asleep. After a quick shower and a cup of coffee, it’s off to the stores two hours before they open, because, after all, what’s a holiday season without a chaotic stampede to get things started?

Then, there’s the other type of shopper. This one is defined by procrastination. They will eat a late dinner the night before, stuff themselves full of various Thanksgiving vittles and wake up around noon the next day with a wicked gravy hangover. They will generally hang around the house for a while and incessantly proclaim how important it is that they get to the mall and get into the holiday shopping mix.

After an hour or so of continuing to tell anyone within earshot that they absolutely have to go to the mall, they will get themselves dressed and head out the door. As they make their way to the mall with an extremely long list of needs in hand, they will complain about the unusually heavy traffic several times and wonder aloud why so many people are on the roads. Then, when they finally pull into the mall parking lot, they will drive around for 15 minutes in search of a spot. Once that pursuit proves fruitless, they will complain some more, give up, peel out of the parking lot and head for home where leftovers await.

Guess which type of shopper Atlanta Braves general manager Frank Wren is.

Major League Baseball’s hot stove has been marked by several monumental deals by teams in desperate need of help. The Braves, however, are probably more comparable to a dusty, unplugged George Foreman Grill.

While the New York Yankees — baseball’s team that most resembles our first type of shopper — have used calculated force in bettering what was a sad pitching rotation by signing the gem of free agency, CC Sabathia, and another ace in A.J. Burnett, the Braves have looked more like our second type of shopper — still struggling to find the motivation to get off the couch.

The Braves are in need of some major help before spring training opens in February, and they have done little so far to prevent a recurrence of last season’s 90-loss performance. There are obvious offensive weaknesses, drastically exposed after losing slugger Mark Teixeira midway through the season. But more importantly, the pitching staff needs the equivalent of major reconstructive surgery.

If the season started today, the Braves, in terms of pitching, would be in a dire predicament. Atlanta would be led by a third-year pitcher in Jair Jurrjens, who proved to be a refreshing bright spot in an otherwise exhausting 2008 season with his 13 wins.

Beyond him, well, there isn’t much to get excited about.

It’s uncertain how John Smoltz will bounce back from shoulder surgery at his age — if he even comes back at all. Word is, he could be on the move if he doesn’t decide to retire.

Tim Hudson is coming off Tommy John surgery, and it’s unknown when — or even if — he will be available this season.

Chuck James, who had a great season two years ago only to follow it with one dripping with mediocrity, was not offered a contract Friday.

Tom Glavine, a legend welcome in Atlanta any day, will be back after an injury-laden season — one that seemed to prove that he may no longer have the stuff that helped earn the Braves an impressive string of division titles.

With such a long list of shopping needs, it’s a wonder that Wren hasn’t been throwing more elbows and being more proactive and forceful in the market. A potential deal for Jake Peavy fell through, as did a chance at getting Burnett, and Braves fans were met with little more than a shoulder shrug and a confused look.

Yankees fans, because of the team’s devotion to improvement, are getting what is comparable to an XBox and a shiny new bicycle for Christmas. Meanwhile, the Braves look to be getting what amounts to an Erector set and an opened package of tube socks.

If Wren is hoping to make the holiday season a jolly one for Atlanta fans, he better get his list together and start making some deals, because the space under the tree is starting to look about as bare as the Braves’ playoff chances.

Contact Jay Adams at 744-4401 or jadams@macon.com