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Thursday, Oct. 08, 2009

Mark Ballard: Purging of clothing not as easy as it seems

My wife has a rule she follows religiously. When she purchases something new such as a piece of clothing or pair of shoes, she makes herself get rid of something already in her closet. I know for some of you this peculiar act is hard to understand.

Quite simply it plays out like this — one pair of shoes comes in; one pair goes out. I think somewhere in the back of her mind she feels if she cleans her closet enough in front of me, it will somehow wear off. Because I can hardly close the doors to my closet, I am a work in progress.

To be honest with you, I really can’t wrap my creative mind around her concept. Logically, I understand it from a space and organizational point of view, but I somehow refuse to believe it applies to me. That is clearly evident when one compares my jam-packed closet with hers.

You see, I get attached to my clothes and shoes. We have a very close personal relationship on a daily basis. Besides, what happens if I need a certain shirt or pair of shoes after I have given them away? It has happened. In the past when I have tried to adopt Debra’s revolving closet philosophy and get rid of something, you can always bet that I have needed it the very next week if not the very next day.

I try to justify this overabundance of clothing with the fact that I am filmed constantly. Since my clothes have, shall we say, their own personality, they are very recognizable. People will come up to me and say, “Oh, that’s the shirt you had on when you made the cupcakes.”

This was even more evident a couple of weeks ago when I filmed my new reality series. For that entire 10 days, I turned my bedroom into a virtual dressing room. We filmed out of sequence and I had to remember what I had on for a particular episode. Some days I had to change clothes three or four times.

Shirts, pants and shoes were cluttered everywhere! It was as if a fabric warehouse had exploded, leaving bits and pieces of different patterns all over.

I was scared of “Miss put everything back in its place” Debra. So, I confronted her head-on and asked her to just close her eyes when she passed all these clothes. She was very sweet not to mention it to me. I think it was because she knew about all the pressure I was under with my wild and crazy week of filming. I noticed her eye twitch a couple of times when she was getting into bed at night, but she somehow she managed to remain silent. I know it took every bit of her being and I’m quite sure those clothes and shoes affected her sleep that week.

The other day, I decided the time had come for me to purge my closet. This may be because I can’t get another thing in it. As I stood in front of the closet that housed my shirts, I felt like I was inside a rainbow. I decided I would start at one end and work my way to the other. I started with all the pink shirts. As I told you, each shirt has a story and I can remember it well. Holding them in my hand one by one, I really tried to let some go, but then I remembered I would certainly need them during next year’s Cherry Blossom Festival. So, I bypassed the pinks and headed straight for the blues, figuratively and literally.

As the afternoon passed, the pile to be donated was much smaller than I had expected. In fact, you could barely tell anything was gone at all. Frustrated, I looked down at the pile and second guessed myself. My eyes glazed over. I decided to go through the “give away” pile again.

Before I realized it, most of those things were mysteriously hanging back in my closet. I don’t know how they got there. I carefully pushed the clothes back to somewhat compact them and, with my hip, forced the door to close.

I stood there silently for a moment. I had to face the facts. I was a pack rat clothes closet failure.

Clothes are not my only problem. I am a collector of all sorts of things and each one of them is precious to me. Recently, I considered getting rid of some of my dishes, knick-knacks and seasonal decorations, but my mind convinced me I would need them for upcoming photo shoots. Debra pulled me aside the other day and sternly said, “We need to have a sale.” As I tried to entice the breath back into my lungs and add some color to my drained face, I begged her for mercy!

Just as I thought that I might have bought myself a few more months with my overcrowded situation, I received a call from the Historic Macon Foundation. They are having their annual flea market this Saturday from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. at 668 Shurling Drive in the Northeast Plaza Shopping Center next to Rose’s.

The first thing that entered my mind was that Debra had somehow gotten a magical hold on the rest of the community (except me, of course) and convinced them to purge their belongings. Apparently, people have been cleaning out their houses and donating the items to the Historic Macon Foundation. What a great idea I thought. I should go. But then where would I put anything else? I’m sure I could figure that out.

This form of recycling has its perks. The very thing someone else (like Debra) is willing to give up is just the thing you may want. You need to go check it out. The best thing is that all the proceeds will benefit a good local cause.

Don’t worry. If and when I ever decide to have a yard sale, I promise you all will be the first to know. However, I can’t imagine it being before the holidays. I simply can’t get a reality show together, decorate for Christmas and de-clutter my house and closet. Besides, I have to keep my eye on Debra. She may get a wild hair and decide to purge my stuff herself. God help me!

More From Mark

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Mark Ballard’s column runs each week in The Telegraph. Send your questions to P.O. Box 4232, Macon, GA 31208 or call (478) 757-6877.