The high price of feeding boys

February 13, 2013 

When my husband, Ronnie, and I had our first child back in 1993, I concentrated on decorating a nursery and picking out a car seat. My ever practical husband contributed to our impending arrival by starting a college fund.

What he should have started was a food fund for feeding hungry boys.

Over and over, I have heard from my friends who have daughters how expensive girls are -- mostly in terms of buying clothes. But at least they have a dress hanging in the closet to show for it. The five boxes of cereal I purchased only three days ago are just empty cardboard boxes now.

At 6 feet 2 inches tall and 230 pounds, Scotty doesn’t eat. He is like a Biblical plague wiping out anything in his path.

In Exodus we are told that the locusts “covered the face of the whole land, so that the land was darkened, and they ate all the plants in the land and all the fruit of the trees that the hail had left. Not a green thing remained, neither tree nor plant of the field, through all the land of Egypt.”

I have to wonder, if the people translating the Bible got that right. Are we sure it was locusts or just a group of teenage boys?

The thing that amazes me is how Scotty prepares for his marathon of eating every evening. He pours cereal down his throat while the microwave is humming and the stove is preheating. He eats leftovers while the pizza is cooking. He drinks tea and milk by the gallon. The high price of gas is not a concern to me; however, I am considering buying a cow.

With Ronnie down at Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College, you would think that I could cook for three now, but actually I could for five, because seconds are not just an alternative for Scotty but a requirement. I have not had an entire piece of meat in over a year.

Then there are the snacks after supper. He doesn’t grab a cookie. He grabs the entire jar. Ice cream, fruit and, of course, the nightly peanut butter sandwich.

The problem with having an offensive lineman for a child is that most of his friends are also football players.

One of his best friends is named Twinkie, though not because he eats a lot of the snack cakes. I mean, he does, but that is not how Twinkie got his nickname. Scotty named him that when they were in sixth grade because he decided that Twinkie’s skin color matched the inside of a Twinkie. The name stuck, and now everyone from his teachers to the kids at school calls him Twinkie.0

Twinkie was over at my house one day, and my husband brought in a turkey from the smoker. Steaming hot, it lasted about 12 minutes while Scotty and Twinkie stood in the kitchen and picked it clean.

Then they asked if there was anything to eat.

Maybe girls do cost more than boys. But like I said, at least you have something to show for it. But come to think of it, I have something to show for having boys as well.

An empty refrigerator and a monthly bill at Publix that is more than my mortgage.

Contact Alline Kent at 396-2467 or

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