Thanking a little bird for return from wits end

November 14, 2012 

Despite 1,000 miles of separation and infrequent face-to-face contact, my big sister still knows me about as well as anyone.

Thinking I would enjoy it, Dr. Deighan badgered me for months about joining the Twitter universe. Until recently, I resisted. No smart phone, I argued. Besides, it’s a waste of time.

I still don’t have a smart phone, but my son helped me understand one can Tweet via regular text messaging and via computer. So I relented and joined up.

Turns out, Karen was right. I love it. I’ve been a Facebook fan for years, and it still has its advantages. Twitter is quicker and sharper, however. For me, it’s a way to reclaim my youth.

Back in the day, I was a pretty witty fellow. It was one of my best characteristics. I could drop the appropriate cultural reference with the best of them. (“Yea. That’s the ticket.”) I could bust up a room with a well-timed zinger.

Those who’ve only known me for the last 20 years -- including my children -- probably have a hard time believing that. Modern day Deighan doesn’t speak well. Oh, my grammar is fine. But I literally don’t speak well. When excited or amused, my efforts at elocutionary elegance are egregiously ineffective.

As a result, the bring-down-the-house one-liners formulated in my head get mangled in execution. They come tumbling from my mouth as a mixed up jumble. My kids speak Dad, but if they aren’t around to translate, a common response to one of my utterances is, “Huh?”

Yes, it can be embarrassing. Fortunately, I’ve received tremendous support over the years. My thanks to the coaches and players of the community for not assuming inebriation when I call for a comment or quote. Rest assured, I usually am not.

True, there are inherent advantages to living with a speech impediment. I’ve a built-in excuse for not answering the phone. People at church don’t ask me to serve as a reader. Nothing I say can be used against me.

I’m silent no longer, however. Twitter returned my voice. Just ask the Auburn fans among my 17 followers who are no doubt still recovering from my bandwidth barbs.

Athletics. Pop culture. Music. Politics.endattr val="chscale"/>

Contact Chris Deighan at cdeighan@cox.net.

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