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Sunday, Jun. 21, 2009

Don’t miss your blessing

It’s Father’s Day, and to many children, and mothers, it’s just another Sunday. Little Q’Antity (real name) hasn’t seen Daddy in a while. He stops by occasionally, but never for too long. There’s no love there, in either direction.

Uhlleejsha’s (real name) father is in jail and she feels no desire to see him. What’s has he done for her that’s worth reveling in? The only thing she can point to is that he is responsible for bringing her into the world, but he’s responsible for little else.

There are literally millions of Q’Antitys and Uhlleejshas. The family life of many children is like figuring out a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

It goes like this: Jamarcus’ father is Kawuntavious (real name). Jamarcus’ younger brother’s father is Mario, but Mario has three other children by Shawndriell (real name), who lives around the block. They are his half brothers and sister. Jamarcus has four other half brothers and sisters, by two other women other than his mother, Quintessa (real name).

Uhlleejsha has seen her six half siblings, by three different mothers, more than she’s seen her father. He’s been in jail since she was six. Her half brother, who lives with them, father, Kwamie (real name), is also in prison.

I know this scenario seems far-fetched. It’s not. In many communities, it’s not about love and marriage, it’s about the hook up. A couple “hooks up” for a short time and before you know it they’ve decoupled, but wait, what about the baby?

You would be surprised at how many sperm donors (I can’t call them fathers) have children who are the same age by different mothers.

Desmond Hatchett of Knoxville, Tenn., is 29 and has 21 children by 11 different women. He makes minimum wage. When did the 11 mothers realize this guy was a creep?

Here’s what sperm donors miss by not being a real father. They will miss the peace of having their children fall asleep in their arms.

They will miss hearing and seeing the smiling face of their child/children run to him and say “Daddy” as he gets home from work.

They will miss seeing the joy of discovery on their faces when he or she discovers something new.

They will miss the worry when the clock strikes midnight and the daughter or son isn’t home yet.

They will miss pretending to be asleep and the sigh of relief when they get home at 12:02 a.m.

They will miss the smile on their face when their offspring walks across the stage to receive his or her diploma, and they will miss being told, “Dad, I want to marry him.”

And later in life, when those children grow up to have children of their own, they will miss out on one of life’s greatest blessings: Being a grandfather.

It’s never too late to connect with your children. Sure, you’ll have to endure a few, “Why weren’t you there,” and you’ll have to prove, in time, that you are genuine.

If all you’ve been to your child is a sperm donor, this Father’s Day is a great time to change your ways.

Start by doing two things: Don’t be a stranger, and begin supporting your child/children financially.

I don’t care if you and your baby’s mama aren’t knocking boots anymore. That’s not important, your child/children are what’s at stake here. While financial responsibility is a key element, children need love more.

Maybe next year you’ll be on your way to earning the highest title that a man can earn: Father.

Charles E. Richardson is the Telegraph’s editorial page editor. He can be reached at 478-744-4342 or via e-mail at crichardson@macon.com.