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Sunday, May. 31, 2009

Man up: Part III

In my last two columns, I’ve bemoaned the fact that many of our young men are being brought up in households where there is no real male mentor. There are lessons to be learned that young men just aren’t getting. Those missed lessons will cost them dearly when they move from boyhood to adulthood. Notice, I didn’t say, “manhood.”

Too many of our young men are getting their ideas about manhood from watching rap videos and playing video games. Neither reflect the real live world a man has to maneuver. Life is a mixture of the good, bad and ugly. Real men see adversity, too. They just handle it better than those who are simply male perpetrators.

I understand I’m an old fuddy duddy. I sound much like my mother’s generation. They didn’t want us listening to rock and roll. They couldn’t understand what we liked about those long-haired boys from Britain, the Beatles. They called music of the era sophomoric and inane. They didn’t understand it — much like we don’t understand a lot of what is touted as music today.

My pet peeve is with rap.

Rap, in and of itself, isn’t bad. However, the purveyors of much of it have no real talent. And while musicians have traditionally lived less-than-stellar lives, it’s more than odd that an entire genre, such as rap, has the notoriety of landing “artists” in jail or the cemetery.

Here are a few basic tips for those who want to become real men. They are pretty simple and easy to remember, and if you execute these lessons well, you might find yourself a real woman, not a just a baby maker.

1.) Education, education, education. Stupid is as stupid does. The more educated you are the better chance you will live a successful life, and find an educated something-about-herself-woman.

These tips will help you attract her.

2.) Always open doors for women, always. It’s a sign of respect. It tells her you are a gentleman. Believe me, a real woman knows a gentleman when she sees one. You’ll stand out. There are too many examples of less-than-gentlemanly behavior out here. If you’re interested in a woman who doesn’t understand what a gentleman is supposed to do, step away from the hootchie mama cliff.

2b.) When walking down the street with a woman, always walk closest to the road. What does that prove, Richardson? Again, it’s another sign of a gentleman, and it also shows you will protect her.

3.) There is no such thing as “Dutch treat.” A real man has a job and can support his woman. If you can’t pay for dinner, how can you afford a family?

And by the way, living with mom is an automatic manhood disqualifer. You are not a man until you can legally pay your own bills.

4.) Operate your ears more than your mouth. You will learn more.

5.) Develop dignity and discipline. Smile, be friendly, but don’t giggle like a girl. Understand when it’s time to get serious.

6.) Keep your business to yourself. Don’t be a gossip. When someone tells you something in confidence, keep it that way.

7.) Be a good, dependable friend. There is an old Dick Gregory saying, “Brothers will do to brothers what friends won’t do to friends.”

8.) Pick your associations wisely. You will be judged by them. If you hang around good, smart and talented people, you will become, almost by osmosis, a good, smart, talented person.

In 2009, there are few crossover rituals from boyhood to manhood in American culture, so that leaves it up to us, real men, to share what used to be common.

Charles E. Richardson is the Telegraph’s editorial page editor. He can be reached at 478-744-4342 or via e-mail at: crichardson@macon.com.