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Sunday, May. 24, 2009

Man up: Part II

Last week, I recounted some lessons young boys need to know on their way toward manhood — real manhood, not just sperm donors for other less-than-a-man offspring they might create.

Being a real man, and a real father, is tough work. I should know, you see, I can’t put myself in the successful father column.

Last week, I used some of the words from Bloomfield Middle School Athletics Director Danny Grube, this week some advice from someone quite close to me. Tim Richardson is the vice president for Boys and Girls Clubs of America, and my nephew. He flits around the world offering club services to the children of our military. Last month, he was in China. What most don’t know about Tim is that he was brought up in the Pueblos, a Los Angeles project. That’s where I first looked down at this baby who would grow to reach 6 foot 4. My brother, God rest his soul, pretty much abandoned him. His mother passed away and Tim was raised by extended family.

He wrote a letter recently to a relative who happens to have found himself in a good bit of trouble. He will be spending the next few years of his life incarcerated for doing something stupid.

What my nephew wrote to him is something every boy who thinks he’s a man should read.

“I’m not going to waste ink and paper asking all of the obvious questions like: What were you thinking? It’s obvious that you were not, and it’s obvious that you didn’t expect your action to lead you where you are, and will undoubtedly be for a pretty good while.”

He asks him, what does he see for himself when he’s 25 or 30 or 40. A house, maybe? A wife?

He asks him to look introspectively. What does he see in himself that will collapse those dreams to ashes?

Tim lays some of the issues out for him. Maybe he doesn’t read well? Maybe he’s perpetually late. Maybe he’s selfish and doesn’t show appreciation. Maybe he hangs out with the wrong crowd?

“Conquering these problems, you see, is the first step toward being the person who will achieve the dreams you have.”

Then he gives a lesson on manhood. He said he’s known “12-year-olds he’s considered men, and that he has 50-year-old cousins who are still boys ... and will likely never grow up.”

Tim’s first lesson:

Ÿ Get past the blame game. “You may have heard the phrase, ‘Man Up.’ It means owning your choices, your mistakes, your future, and your steps toward it being bright.”

Ÿ Making the best of every situation, even in jail. Look for job training programs or other areas to improve skills.

Ÿ Be someone others respect and look up to. Make your words count. Always keep your word.

Ÿ Focus. Set a path toward a positive goal and stick to it.

Ÿ Pick good friends (fly with the Eagles or walk with the turkeys)

Ÿ Be an asset to your family and community. Be your own best friend and make good decisions every day.

Ÿ Recognize temptation and how you react to it. Make the right choices.

Ÿ Be grateful. Everyone is standing on the shoulders (of those) who came before you.

Ÿ Do all the above every day, even when no one is watching.

I’m sure my nephew has more rules for manhood. I’m so proud of him for following them from his humble beginning. He’s a man.

Share these tips with boys you hope will become real men. Read it to them if you have to. Make sure they get it, or they may find themselves behind bars, too, where they will have lots of company, or worse.

Charles E. Richardson is the Telegraph’s editorial page editor. He can be reached at 478-744-4342 or via e-mail at: crichardson@macon.com.